I opened the door.
Let me just say this, and let's not speak of it anymore, okay?
1. Money is an issue. As grad students, we used some loans to help pay for the fertility treatments we received. Even now that C is gainfully employed and we are paying back some of his loans (going back to undergrad) we are still not solvent enough to lay out cash for endless and/or expensive treatments. Even with insurance that theoretically pays 50% for treatments. Up to $10k. Lifetime. Since we were able to get pg doing IUI, getting good, personalized care from a highly respected physician in the field, in the area. IVF does sometimes improve conception odds, usually, but does not improve chances of sustained pregnancy.
Further, we are considering at least a $15k investment in one cycle of IVF. Considering my history and medical conditions, I hardly think we would be eligible for some sort of money-back plan. With 50% coverage, that is at least $7k that we have to pay out of pocket. And I am still a graduate student.
Also, when do we start saving for adoption? How do we pay for that once we've taken that leap?
2. Medical care is an issue. This doctor, though he no longer does IVF, is one of the few doctors in this area -- that I have found -- that has talked to my husband and me like we are intelligent people, individuals. Partners in care. When we lost the boys, every single doctor, in "excellent" medical facilities, in the city, "wished" they had a "crystal ball." None offered any explanation except fluke. None offered any insight or honest support in helping us make our decisions. While we were trying the first time, we met with another clinic, with which we had a very poor experience. Forgive me, I liked to be talked to as an equal, not as a silly, emotional woman, who just needs to listen to her doctor. Yes, I am a bit gun shy. However, spending an hour on the phone with a doctor (from out of town) who knows what he's talking about -- and knows how to talk to us like intelligent human beings -- gave me answers and peace of mind that a half a dozen local doctors (not my RE) could not.
Further, local IVF clinics have little experience (according to SART) with women my age with issues that we have (both male and female problems).
3. The IVF experience. Even more drugs. Even more money. Even more physical and emotional commitment, with daily ultrasounds, blood draws and assembly line experience. In case the whole thing isn't hard enough. Also, I got OHSS with clomid. And with conservative injectible cycles. Trying to get many more eggs just puts me at higher risk. Which, of course, can be prevented to some extent. Of course, FET cycles are generally less successful than fresh.
In light of the last two cycles, we are having a consult with the doctor. We will take into consideration what he has to say. Of course, we will.
If we begin to seriously consider IVF, which we are, in fact, open to, we will also consider clinics around the country, as other local places do not seem to fit for us. Better facilities means more cost, more travel expenses. More time and emotional costs.
My sister remarked recently that seeing as I stim so well, one cycle wouldn't necessarily be one transfer. I agree. And if we want to try to have more than one child, that would come in handy, in theory. If we had any embryos left. There are a lot of ifs.
As I think Luna mentioned, yes, many choices have been considered. And this is what we chose to go with, at least to begin our TTC process again: In a place where we feel supported, and respected. A place where we feel that we have at least a decent chance of achieving a healthy pregnancy. I could not go back to being just a number, a p.i.t.a., needy patient right off the bat.
Did I miss anything? I don't think so. These are the big issues for us. We are working through them, we are considering all of our options.
Feel free to comment. Get it out. Then, let us not talk of it again.