Thursday, October 22, 2009

Let the Festival Begin

Yes, the Festival of Pee Sticks.

Actually, it started yesterday. I will admit it. I peed on an old CVS E.arly from last cycle. Nothing showed up in a few minutes, so I tossed it, but totally went and looked at it a few hours later. There was totally a line, but I know it was an evap, especially since it was a cv.s and so far after the time limit.

Took a FRER today (9 dpo). Nothing. Not stark white, as I imagine I can see a line of some sort (or where the line is *supposed* to be), but definitely negative. I know, it's still really early.

I was dealing with O.HSS in full force (tons of pain, ovaries like rocks) until yesterday, I woke up and felt a lot better. Not 100%, but not like I did the day before. Awesome! Spotting is gone, too. I'm imagining it hurts more today, than yesterday, but I'm not reliable.

My head also feels like it's in a fog, but I think that's because I missed a dose of the Pro.zac because I forgot to pick up my 'script two nights ago. When I'm adjusting to it, I generally get tired. I've been *really* tired lately, like drugged, which I assume is the c.ri.none (in addition to the P). I seem to react really strongly to that. I actually went back to sleep after getting coffee with C this morning, passed the hell out for an hour after getting 7 or 8 hours of sleep, and then hit my snooze alarm for TWO HOURS. Left the house about 40 minutes before I had to be teaching. Awesome. Luckily I only live a few minutes from school. And, can I just say? Have students responsible for presenting rocks. totally rocks.



Can you tell in what decade I came of age?

Oy vey. Wow, I'm feeling really punchy/dizzy, still. Woo.


I just wanted to say that I"m aware that this blog seems to be becoming an infertility/getting pregnant blog. Which is totally different from where it started. I understand that it's not for everyone, especially those dealing with other things. A year ago, I would have stopped reading this blog. Iwas not in that place. Just want to say, I definitely understand changes in needs, etc.

Also, I've noticed how incredibly myopic I've become, whining, perseverating on every detail, noting every moment of my cycles. It really feels like it's become a journal, as I know everyone is not as interested in reading about this stuff as I am about getting it out. I understand. But I know it's part of my process, and I might as well get it out. I'm certainly glad to have you here, sharing and commenting, and I hope you'll continue for however long I'm able to keep this up. Probably one more cycle, then we'll regroup. That scares the hell out of me. Even taking a break next cycle scares the hell out of me. So things are bound to be changing a lot -- back and forth -- in the coming weeks/months.

Thanks for hanging around and humoring me. You're really important. And please, keep sharing your thoughts with me. But also, please take care of your selves. Really. Okay?

I'll keep you posted. You know I will. ;-)


k@lakly said...

I hope the sticks leave you with some better news soon!
As for the content of the bkog, it is your story, your journey, write what you need to it is for you, really. I think most know how to handle the reading of news and progress of a db mom trying to get to that live baby after. You're entitled to your words, your thoughts, your truth. Those that need to will turn away, but not because they don't wish you well.
And, yes, keep us posted!

Sue said...

Thanks, kalakly. I know that people will do what they need to, just wanted to acknowledge that I know it's part of the process. Grieving is such a bitch, isn't it?

Thanks, again, K. XO

Astrid said...

Your blog is my kind of blog, which is why I read regularly. No it might not be for everyone, but there is a community for every type of blog, particularly the journalistic IF or ALI blog. So you can keep up the good work as far as I'm concerned.

Keep the faith on the pee sticks. For what it's worth, I've never seen an evap line on a FRER (and I've taken a LOT of 'em, believe you me) maybe it wasn't? Looking forward to the update and hoping this is your cycle.

G$ said...

Not Stark white is good. I hope it continues in the proper direction.

Dude. I am totally not reading your blog anymore. I can't take it that you have the same effin neurotic cycle thoughts as me. :)

PS - I have been googling THIN LINING all morning. Just like every single other cycle. It's not like I don't know what it all says. AHHHHHHHHHHH


Michelle said...

I tested negative at 10dpo. I tested at 14dpo because my clinic says I need to and call. I tested. Looked at it for a minute and tossed it on the counter before crawling back in bed to have a good cry because it was negative.

Turns out I didn't let it process long enough and it's positive. And doubling.

It's early yet, hang in there!!

Tash said...

This sounds suspiciously optimistic. I await the full line-up.

Hang tough.

Aunt Becky said...

You can't shake me STE. Sorry. I'm like a gnarly toe fungus.

Michele said...

I think our blogs evolve with us. Can they ever really stay what they start as?

charmedgirl said...

ok, omg...this is where shit gets crazy!! i've never seen an evap line on a frer either...

erica said...

Hoping for you, and wishing that this particular festival was more, well, festive.