Tuesday, October 13, 2009

I suck

I'm sitting here in my car outside the RE's office, crying. Just had the IUI and feeling hopeless.

Didn't sleep well. I was late because C and I were both running late. I was cursing and angry the whole drive down.

Everyone was very nice. RE was positively cheery. I was almost surly. The numbers were okay. I think I may have just ovulated. Even got needled.

C had to teach this morning. I asked the RE about the article in the Times, but it came out all weird. He responded, briefly and "Well, good luck. Take care! Bye!"

*****

"I'm just so tired of this," was, is, all I can think. C is tired of it too. I don't want to give up.

But I don't know how much more I can get through.

13 comments:

Beruriah said...

That's a sucky way to start your day, unless it turns out well.

At least you're certain about something, that it's not time to give up. I hope hope hope you won't have to think about that at all.

Maybe later we'll see the sun. Take care, friend.

m said...

sending you warm wishes on this drizzly morning. I know you're tired. But you got through today. Maybe there won't be much more. Hoping again after loss is hard, hard stuff. No wonder you're cranky. Be kind to yourself today. Lots of people hoping with you.

niobe said...

Nothing about this is easy, is it? Thinking of you.

wifey said...

I hope that this is the last time you'll have to go through all of this. Thinking of you. Hoping your wait goes quickly.

Tash said...

I'm sorry the journey afterwards is so fucking difficult -- somehow, it shouldn't be. Treat yourself kindly the rest of the day, m'kay? Much love.

Aunt Becky said...

Try to be good to yourself. I'm holding your hair from over here.

Man, that sounded creepy.

Jonathan said...

The Times article was hard. I thought of you when I saw it.

Fingers are crossed.

charmedgirl said...

just hang in there, sue. it all sucks ass, that i KNOW. any good cookies anywhere?? that would be my short-term solution...probably not a great one, but WTF?!?

Heather said...

You do not suck.

The situation sucks. I'm with charmedgirl on the cookies- chocolate helps.

erica said...

That this is so damned hard, that sucks. Not you.

CDE said...

This whole day just had a weird vibe to it. Started off weird and never quite righted itself. I felt it at school, too, even before I talked to you. It'll get better. Maybe not right away, but it will.

Julia said...

I am sorry you had this kind of a day. It totally blows.

All I've got is that all you need to get through any given day is that day, even just that hour. And then the next, and the next. Though thinking of the next ones is sometimes too hard. So just this one, for now.

Thinking of you. Hoping that today is a better, less weird day.

Michele said...

Just let it out. You are under so much stress right now. Just let the tears come. Get that stress out so that you can breathe again.

I know you have had enough. But you can do this. You can.