I'm doing everything wrong. I can't do anything.
I'm ruining my career. I'm isolating myself from my friends, my family. Everyone who loves me. My 90-year old grandmother who has finally gotten the hint that I can't talk to her every day. It's been days since we spoke and she just wants to hear that I'm okay. I feel like I'm failing everyone. And they would say, no, of course you're not. But I am. I am.
I'm hiding away in our bedroom with the cats and the tv and my computer. Searching, searching for something to focus on, something that makes sense.
I used to like to leave the house. Now it's an effort just to go to the market. Too many choices. Too many people. Too many babies. Too many pregnant women on magazine covers.
I had about 20 minutes today where I felt okay, then I realized it and it all went to hell. Actually that happened twice today, so I guess that's progress, huh?
But now I can't sleep and I want to cry out loud. And I'm so tired of waking C up with my sobbing. I'm just so tired of all this.