Monday, March 10, 2008

Can't Sleep

Daylight savings time is screwing with me. Yeah, that's it. I have a bed full of cats (2) and one deeply sleeping, deeply breathing husband, and i am sitting here with my chest aching from anxiety, despite the at.ivan and zol.oft. I can feel the tears behind my eyes, pushing. Making them wet.

My husband moves in his sleep and the cats readjust -- one against his legs, the other against mine. I didn't want to take a sleeping pill tonight because I have to be up at a decent hour to get ready for school. If I don't get up with my husband, I'll be in bed until noon. I'm not proud of this fact. The flexibility of my schedule has it's pluses and negatives.

Husband starts to snore, but my hand on his back soothes him, quiets his breathing. I wonder if I would be able to do this with my child, should I ever actually have one who lives outside of me. If I would have been able to do this for Jacob, or for Joshua. If I would have beenable to soothe them.

And here come the tears.

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