I'm doing okay. Better, in fact, than I have in a while. Doggie Stella and meds are starting to work their magic. Still, all fucked up, but I haven't had any thoughts about how I don't want to live like this. (I wasn't suicidal, more like hopeless.) I'm not exactly hopeful, now, but less hopeless.
Stella continues to be a wonderful dog. I think we are all getting to know each other, she's still nervous when we leave the house, but no destructive behavior (so far). Her beagle-y will to follow a scent sometimes makes walks a challenge, but there's nothing like watching a 25-pound dog attempt to gallop and get excited when I say "Okay, Stella, let's go home! Let's go home!"
I'll stop gushing now. School continues to be a panic inducing. One more week of teaching though, so that's good. Still no idea what's going to happen next semester.
Still sad. Anniversaries approaching. I see others' anniversaries approaching, too. I'm sorry I haven't been there yet to support you, trying to manage the grief, still. Fewer meltdowns. Low energy, etc. We have been talking about maybe candles for the 10 days of anniversaries. Trying to figure out a long-term, more permanent marker for them. Not sure yet.
No word on K yet. I gave B the option to read my blog, but she felt kind of intrusive reading such intense, personal words. And this is part of why I love her. My friend S's MIL passed away on Thanksgiving, and my cousin's wife did on Tuesday. Peaceful deaths for both. It seems like there is so much sadness. So much to be sad about. Is this what grown up life is like? Constant difficulty, challenge and grief?
The dog helps. The cats too. Some interactions are better than others, but that is the good. The furry four-legged love-givers. I may depend on it more than I should. Whatever works, I guess.
C continues to be amazingly supportive, too.
I am reading and thinking of you, even if I am quiet, and sending my love to you.