Thursday, December 4, 2008

Miscellaneous (edited)

I'm doing okay. Better, in fact, than I have in a while. Doggie Stella and meds are starting to work their magic. Still, all fucked up, but I haven't had any thoughts about how I don't want to live like this. (I wasn't suicidal, more like hopeless.) I'm not exactly hopeful, now, but less hopeless.

Stella continues to be a wonderful dog. I think we are all getting to know each other, she's still nervous when we leave the house, but no destructive behavior (so far). Her beagle-y will to follow a scent sometimes makes walks a challenge, but there's nothing like watching a 25-pound dog attempt to gallop and get excited when I say "Okay, Stella, let's go home! Let's go home!"

I'll stop gushing now. School continues to be a panic inducing. One more week of teaching though, so that's good. Still no idea what's going to happen next semester.

Still sad. Anniversaries approaching. I see others' anniversaries approaching, too. I'm sorry I haven't been there yet to support you, trying to manage the grief, still. Fewer meltdowns. Low energy, etc. We have been talking about maybe candles for the 10 days of anniversaries. Trying to figure out a long-term, more permanent marker for them. Not sure yet.

No word on K yet. I gave B the option to read my blog, but she felt kind of intrusive reading such intense, personal words. And this is part of why I love her. My friend S's MIL passed away on Thanksgiving, and my cousin's wife did on Tuesday. Peaceful deaths for both. It seems like there is so much sadness. So much to be sad about. Is this what grown up life is like? Constant difficulty, challenge and grief?

The dog helps. The cats too. Some interactions are better than others, but that is the good. The furry four-legged love-givers. I may depend on it more than I should. Whatever works, I guess.

C continues to be amazingly supportive, too.

I am reading and thinking of you, even if I am quiet, and sending my love to you.


The Turtle and the Monkey said...

I am here supporting you as the anniversay nears. I wish I had better ideas on how to observe it. I am struggling with that myself. I think all we can do is love our children, hold them in our hearts, and attempt to embrace the good in our lives (no matter how small or four legged).

Sending you hugs.

Ya Chun said...

worry about next semester when it gets here

Julia said...

Approaching the anniversary is hard. I am here for you.

Candles are a lovely idea. We do those a lot, especially around anniversaries, but also just because.

Mrs. Spit said...

That's ok. I'm thinking about you and the boys too.

CLC said...

Glad to hear from you! And don't apologize for anything! I am thinking of you and C and the boys as well.

Tash said...

Day by day. day by day. Hour by hour. And that goes for the 4-legged ones, too. Thinking of you all.

Aunt Becky said...

Thinking of all of you.