Saturday, December 6, 2008

Ghost Pains

Is that what they call them? You know, after a limb has been amputated, it still feels like it's there? I don't know.

I'm having all kinds of sense memories, especially in my belly. Or maybe I'm just feeling the emptiness. I had a similar sense back in September, those little twinges and pulls as the embryos dig in.

I went to the market today and only got stuff for me and Stella. Basics, too, like paper goods, diet Coke, but nothing specifically for C. I am inconsiderate. I am self-centered right now. I am self centered.

I'm so tired of the up and down. And I"m torturing myself by going back to emails from a year ago when I was starting to feel positively pregnant, like a part of the mom club. I need to stop that.

I just can't seem to get it right. And I'm so tired of these stupid, weepy posts. I want to be happy, or at least functional.

I'm so tired.


Aunt Becky said...


I wish I had something full of The Awesome to say to you right now; something that would make you feel even the tiniest bit better. But I suck at this. I'm much better at making people laugh. And now, I'm totally aware is not the time to do that.

So I'll tell you I'm thinking of you, your husband and your boys. Because that is the truth.

Heather said...

I'm self-centered and tired with you. It sucks.

Thinking of you today, as always.

Tash said...

I could take a 10 hour nap right now. I think the time of year combined with grief and stress and plummeting temperatures all kinda screws with the body. It has to.