This must be what it feels like. You know, those pins and needles, weak muscles.
Late August, September...sensory memories... like now, too.
It's just... it was so horrible at first, I was so raw and, it almost destroyed me, and well, you know. And the pain went on and on and then it dissipated a little, a few tentative steps into the worlds, and it was okay....
It's the only way I can figure it. How last semester, just teaching was okay. I could get through, do some work, focus a little and connect with my class. This semester, long and difficult. I reviewed some of the grading I did for the recent batch of papers, and realized that I blew it. That god my students are point mongers. No grading on K.lonopin anymore, i guess, though I have no idea how I'll get through it.
I am eating sugar cookies and that's about it. Coffee, too. My stomach is huge. Sigmund would have a ton of fun with that, eh?
And the friends I invited here for a few "girl nights" won't be able to come (the idea was a long shot anyway), so C will stay here to take care of me. Maybe he'll have them here later. He says "You're stuck with me. We'll be together. " And I think how he must long to get away and have his own time. And how it's all just not fair. Nothing.
As horrible as it was, I think I'd rather go back to being numb.