If there was a key that could unlock this aching soul you would see the part of me thats hard to show
if these arms could hold you close and somehow bear your grieve they would share the pain that comes from losing part of me
I have battled sleepless nights longing just to hear him cry I will never tell my son the stories of my life and how his mothers heart and soul went with him when he died
Like his cradle lying bare cold and incomplete I will never hold my son or rock him as he sleeps
guilt and anguish feel my heart and slowly tears my soul apart
I have knelt a thousand times questioning my faith
asking how a god of love could take this child away
I believe the day will come when we will understand Life comes from the fathers grace and we are in his hands
with his light he reaches in teaches us to love again
if there was a key that could unlock this aching soul you would find a heart that needs your love to make me whole
I remember getting the bill for the nuchal scan and blood screening soon after Caleb died. They tests had both promised me a healthy baby. Almost. I remember throwing them away and screaming in my head at the worthlessness of them. F*ckers. False hope. What a bastard. Thinking of you. Always.
13 comments:
I know reliving each day is so very difficult. Be gentle with yourself in the coming days. Do only what you feel up to.
I'll be thinking of you and your boys.
If there was a key that could
unlock this aching soul
you would see the part of me
thats hard to show
if these arms could hold you close
and somehow bear your grieve
they would share the pain
that comes from losing
part of me
I have battled sleepless nights
longing just to hear him cry
I will never tell my son
the stories of my life
and how his mothers heart and soul
went with him when he died
Like his cradle lying bare
cold and incomplete
I will never hold my son
or rock him as he sleeps
guilt and anguish feel my heart
and slowly tears my soul apart
I have knelt a thousand times
questioning my faith
asking how a god of love
could take this child away
I believe the day will come
when we will understand
Life comes from the fathers grace
and we are in his hands
with his light he reaches in
teaches us to love again
if there was a key that could
unlock this aching soul
you would find a heart that needs
your love
to make me whole
Daniels Song
Sue Krupa
Oh sweetheart...I'm so sorry. I'm thinking of you and your boys.
I hate reliving this all. But how can we not? Thinking of you Sue and your boys!
Remembering.
so hard to remember those happy moments.
I think I've told you this, but I didn't get those results until afterwards and that call knocked me on my ass.
I remember getting the bill for the nuchal scan and blood screening soon after Caleb died. They tests had both promised me a healthy baby. Almost. I remember throwing them away and screaming in my head at the worthlessness of them. F*ckers. False hope. What a bastard.
Thinking of you. Always.
Thinking of you both.
Oh Sue. I wanted a "surprise" (cue hysterical laughing) so I opted not to find out the gender. But everything else? Perfect. Deep sigh of relief.
I'll probably never sigh in relief again as long as I live.
Thinking of you through this journey. You're so brave to put it down in writing.
*hugs* Sue. Just *hugs*
I'm so, so, sorry.
Chromosomally normal. What could possibly go wrong with that?
Thinking of you, Sue. And your boys.
It's so sad to remember a time when we were so happy, with, seemingly, the whole world spread out in front of us, shining and bright.
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