Thursday, November 27, 2008

What's the difference between...

God and a doctor?

God knows he's not a doctor. (ba/dum/bum)

In which I rant and over-explain...

Just to clarify a few things, I think of all the doctors I've seen in this apparently Sisyphean quest to have a child (and other issues as well), Dr. C exhibits the least amount of god-complex I've encountered in the medical profession.

If it weren't for a few chats about Saturday appointments and the church trips his wife has taken with his daughter, I wouldn't have a clue that he even has a belief in god. Generally I ignore the little slogan and assume that his wife had something to do with the cutesy picture. She is the one in charge of the "wellness" part of the practice. Yoga, nutrition, massage, etc.

They have had their own struggles with family-building.

He listens to my concerns, answers my questions respectfully, and talks to me like an equal. Shakes my hand every time we meet. He hugged me after we lost the boys. In fact, everyone in the office hugged me. Offered his condolences, wrote down the boys' names in my file. We talk like people.

So, Yeah, I'm pissed about the whole "gift from god thing," and I don't understand how that could be prominently displayed in an RE's office. Especially when all his behavior and language seems to contradict this really inappropriate sentiment. Since I've seen the human side of him, I'm tempted, whenever it is that I'm ready to go back, to ask him about it.


c. said...

The gift from G.od thing would annoy me, too. You don't need to explain yourself. Your frustration/annoyance absolutely makes sense to me.

I haven't been able to go back to my naturopath b/c of something he said to me at my last appt. Amazing what seemingly harmless things will strike a chord with us post-deadbaby.

XO, Sue.

Ya Chun said...

yes, maybe if you ask very innocently and non-accustorily he might explain himself or he might see that it can be hurtful

CLC said...

I am curious as to what he would say. Sounds like he might entertain the conversation so you should go for it.

In general, I have lost a lot of respect for doctors. I think many of them aren't too sure of what they are doing, and there's shitloads of luck involved whenever a good outcome occurs!

Anonymous said...

I'm with you, but to spin it around for a minute, I wonder if we replaced the words "Gift from God" with "Miracle of Nature" if it would be less offensive. And at the same time, that may be exactly what he means/intends. Maybe he's acknowledging that there's an element of babymaking/babyhaving that is not within our control. Which, to some extent is probably a good attitude for a doctor to have, that he realizes that he's not all-powerful.

It is hurtful though, if the picture in your head is of God reaching in to his bag of gifts and there isn't one for us. I'd like to believe there's a less literal way to interpret that quote.

luna said...

I'd be annoyed too. yesterday I was going to answer your rhetorical title by saying it worked by finding a new doctor. today I might be inclined to simply talk to him and let him know how hurtful that feels.

Sue said...

Dr. C definitely acknowledges that they don't know why some things work and some don't. I had a chemical pregnancy the cycle immediately preceding the one that resulted in the boys. He upped one dose by one amp, and boom, twins, great betas, great implantation and growth.

When I asked him why he thought this happened, he said he really didn't know. Offered some suggestions that others have made, but admitted that they don't know a lot.

I have a lot of respect for that. Especially considering what followed. No one knew anything. I think I am going to talk to him about this.

Thanks everyone for your feedback!

Martin said...

No explanation needed.

On a vaguely similar note, there's a bit of controversy brewing back home where a fertility clinic have decided to deny treatment to unmarried couples.

Religion crossing over.

Tash said...

(Anon, a "miracle" in my view is no less offensive. Makes me wonder what Maddy was in that viewpoint -- a damnation? A religious fuckup? Work of the devil? What?)

I'm interested to know, too.

And now that you've explained him, I'm half wondering now if this isn't some patient with similar religious sensibilities he treated who gave it to him and he hung it up. Not that that excuses it.

Interesting, my bf from my old development/old state was v. religious of the fundy variety, but even though I was a sailor searing atheist, we discovered that we both went to the same RE and became fast friends and close confidants on things reproductive. She was -- and continues to be -- a v. good friend now. One who wrote and didn't expect anything back, and so on. Someday maybe I'll ask her about this -- she's had multiple losses after her success (daughter via IVF 5 years ago).

Cliff Evans said...

I'm a card-carrying atheist myself, and although it gives me a bit of an eyeroll, I've gotta back up my lovely wife on this one - if we had this to do all over again, Dr. C (not to be confused with, well, me) and his practice would be the one thing we wouldn't change. They were the one medical group that never failed to be supportive and sensitive throughout the whole process. I can't say enough good things about this guy, God-stuff or no.

noswimmers said...

This would annoy me, too. Not sure I would have the guts to say anything about it, though. If you're comfortable, go for it! It probably bothers others too.