Long talk with C, which didn't help.
Went out to go spend money I don't have on some toy or something. After a couple of stops I wound up in a sporting goods store of all places, and found wonderful thick squishy comfy socks. I bought 3 overpriced pairs, even intending to share with C. I LOVE think squishy sock. They're better than comfort food for me.
I was okay until I left the store and sobbed the entire 20 miles home. Thinking about how ruined I feel, not just grieving my boys, the life I left behind, but any hope I've felt, any enjoyment. How short-lived any pleasure seemed to be.
But I had those socks, and I could just go home and put them on and get into bed with cozy jammies. I even suggested ordering in pizza for dinner. We hung out and watched a movie and a half -- it was hard to focus, even though it was one I enjoy. My concentration is shit. Then C put on "Anch.orman' which always brings me a laugh. And did. It felt good.
The red light on my crack.berry blinked. It was from my sister. She'd been quiet lately. I knew she had an FET recently and I had dropped her a quick line yesterday to see how it went.
Positive. Doubling. Holding off any news until I ask for it.
There are just no more words.