Sunday, November 9, 2008

So I Tried

Long talk with C, which didn't help.

Went out to go spend money I don't have on some toy or something. After a couple of stops I wound up in a sporting goods store of all places, and found wonderful thick squishy comfy socks. I bought 3 overpriced pairs, even intending to share with C. I LOVE think squishy sock. They're better than comfort food for me.

I was okay until I left the store and sobbed the entire 20 miles home. Thinking about how ruined I feel, not just grieving my boys, the life I left behind, but any hope I've felt, any enjoyment. How short-lived any pleasure seemed to be.

But I had those socks, and I could just go home and put them on and get into bed with cozy jammies. I even suggested ordering in pizza for dinner. We hung out and watched a movie and a half -- it was hard to focus, even though it was one I enjoy. My concentration is shit. Then C put on "Anch.orman' which always brings me a laugh. And did. It felt good.

The red light on my crack.berry blinked. It was from my sister. She'd been quiet lately. I knew she had an FET recently and I had dropped her a quick line yesterday to see how it went.

Positive. Doubling. Holding off any news until I ask for it.

Of course.

There are just no more words.


k@lakly said...

I love cushy socks and warm jammies. I wish we had weather under 85 degrees here so I could wear some.
I'm glad the movie made you laugh and feel good. You deserve to feel good, lots.
Even when you don't have words, I'll still be here, listening.

Tash said...

I bought a pair of soft comfy socks one year and split them between me and my grandmother. I adore them.

What bittersweet news from your sister. I know you wish her the best given what happened, but at the same time, it must be awfully tough to hear.

Time for another funny movie.

Tash said...

I meant to say "pack" -- pack of comfy socks. Obviously splitting a pair defeats the purpose.

Antigone said...

I'd rather think Tash did share a pair of socks with her grandmother.

I always feel better when I have a new pair on. I went to Target this week and actually went on a sock splurge. It gave me comfort.

Amy said...

Thinking good thoughts for your sister.

The socks sound lovely. I love gushy, yummy socks!

Maybe you need to go get some more movies that make you laugh. You know what they say about exercise helping rid depression; you can laugh as that takes more muscles than frowning and there's your exercise!

loribeth said...

Laughter is great medicine. I remember picking up "Bridget Jones's Diary" (the book) shortly after my loss & laughing out loud while reading it. It was such a great pick me up.