Sunday, April 27, 2008

How will you do it? Part Two

Wow. You guys are so great. Have I mentioned this recently, how much I appreciate you? A regular post is easier than responding in comments, so here we go.

So, yes, still thinking about getting out of our college town (good call, Newt) for M-Day (coincidentally graduation weekend). Avoidance, as seen by consensus, is the key word. Though it looks like we may not be able to be traveling on both M-Day and the EDD. My RE said to call him when my next cycle starts and we'll talk about what tests (specifically CD3 tests) to do next. If I have a 28-day cycle, CD1 will be on 5/19, our EDD. I'm usually around 26 days though, and there's no way to tell since my cycles are inconsistent, especially following the delivery and D&C.

It was nice that my doctor took me seriously. He's certainly not perfect, but he treats me (and my husband) like an intelligent human. Talks to me like an intelligent person. Not just a patient. And he's honest with me. He didn't make me feel like a freak or a mess for asking my questions, and for wanting the tests. Despite the reason for the visit, and the pain, it was good to see him. Wish he could be my OB.

Something tells me that C would be right with you, Tash, hidden away with the video games, but that doesn't do me much good. I could try to sleep through the day, since I have become a champion sleeper, putting my teen years and early 20s to shame. I was up at 8ish to go to the HSG and after posting yesterday, I fell asleep around 5, heard the phone ring around 8:30 and C woke me at about 12:30am last night. I took an am.bien because I was afraid I'd be up all night, but fell right back to sleep and slept until the cat started knocking stuff off my nightstand around 8 or 9am. That is a LOT of sleep. I didn't even take anything during the day yesterday.


Maybe we'll find something last minute. Still working on that. We also live about a 5-hour drive to Chicago, so maybe we'll do that instead. Just spend a weekend away.

Julia and Busted, thanks for offering referrals! Should I email you? I've added an email address to my profile, so you can email me, too. Just let me know what you'd like me to do. I really appreciate your offers. And any others are welcome, too... We don't know where we'll be in a couple of years, where I'll be (cough, cough) pregnant again. Ahem.

Julia, do you know Boston or the area? I'm feeling really homesick right now. As you all can probably tell.


So here's another question for you. How did/do/will you deal with due dates/anniversaries? I've read some of your accounts, but I'm still open to advice. The confluence of anniversaries and important dates (as luna notes) is making me a little insane. More than a little.

And I can't help but think, I would be close to having my babies now. We would be getting ready. We would be making and fielding phone calls about plans, results, appointments. I would be huge. I would be happy and impatient, scared and ready to go. I would be about 37 weeks. Due officially 3 weeks from tomorrow (Monday). Both the RE and the sucky OB said I would probably go 2 to 3 weeks early. So close now.

They have been out of my body almost as long as they were inside me. Too long, and not nearly long enough. And I can feel it. It's getting worse. Don't know if I can stand three more weeks of this. And the aftermath.

So, any advice?


Antigone said...

I've had several anniversaries pass by without notice. It was two days after the recent 3 month anniversary before I realized what had passed. It's getting through every other day that has been a struggle.

luna said...

are you looking for things to do as a distraction in the coming weeks, or things to do to acknowledge your due date or commemorate your boys?

this is such a hard time. I wrote a lot in those days leading up to my edd. I journaled, I wrote a letter to my boy, I took really long walks in the woods and talked to myself... I got through late nights by planning a vacation for after my edd -- searching the web for fares, hotels, etc. and I planned a ritual that we did when I was ready... that's a whole post in itself...

you continue to be in my thoughts. ~luna

Julia said...

My edd was the day after my daughter's birthday, and much closer in terms of weeks to the time A died. In both of those senses, I am not sure what I did that first year applies. We were still very raw, and that was the day my aunt and uncle were getting into town for my daughter's birthday. My parents and grandma were already here. I spent a large chunk of that day on the internet, reading and commenting on the dead baby blogs. I didn't have one yet at the time. In the evening, I showed the pictures of A to my aunt and uncle and my grandma.

I just emailed you.

Tash said...

I didn't have the due date thing, just the birthday (pause) deathday with all the grim -idays in between. But I guess I just kinda grit my teeth and decided to go with the flow. I also decided I was going to write everyday, and that helped a lot actually -- made me focus every day for a bit of time, and I'm not sure I would've made that time otherwise. We did some nice things -- walks, lit candles, but really just winged it. We did have a vacation planned on the other side which I think gave me a string to gravitate toward when things got hairy.

It's *usually* not as bad as anticipated. Usually. I always try to remind myself of that, too.

k@lakly said...

I don't really do anything, I don't find those days any harder than the others but that may be just me. I know we will do something at the one year mark but it will be small, maybe light some candles or release some balloons or butterflies(more eco friendly:)) what's important I think is that you do what feels right to you and if that is nothing that is ok too. I rea somewhere that one of us does the things on the days when the sadness is strongest and that seems to help her, she doesn't make herself "go there" just because of the date on the calendar, I liked that.
Don't know if this helps are not...

Busted said...

I haven't had any anniversaries yet except the day that was supposed to be my shower (all my friends came over) and the one month since they were born/died. That day was just a normal day, except I was sad. I don't know how I'll treat others. Probably treat them as normal days, because I would be too depressed to pay attention to what the days should have been. That's why I plan to ignore holidays for a while. On their birthday we plan to visit where they are buried or maybe where a tree has been planted for them.

I will email you once I get the peri/MFM referral...thinking of you.