I spent today sleeping. Again.
I need to stop thinking about myself in terms of what "would have been." I would have been huge. We probably would have been talking about induction or C-section. I would have stopped the lov.enox and switched to the hep. Picking up the last few things. Coordinating with people, who would come visit when. Watching my belly as my boys squirmed for what little room there was left.
I need to stop.
Almost every Saturday, I sleep too late. Get up, eat something. Putter. Take a long nap. Wake again and find something for dinner. Take drugs so I can fall asleep before 3am.
Every Saturday, I think how many weeks I would be. That's when the next week would turn. The IUI was on a Saturday. I told my dad on a Saturday (at 4 weeks). Saturdays were usually the worst puking days.
It's more than 14 weeks since I delivered. I know I need to stop. It's like re-opening the wound. But somehow... I don't know. This is really all I have left.