Monday, February 22, 2010

First day of the rest of my life...? **PS

Huh? No.

Cycle day 3. On an off-cycle.

Day one of looking seriously into other options. IVF. Adoption. Trying to figure out what to do next. We have an appointment in 2 weeks with the RE to talk about IVF considerations and his recommendations for clinics, since I don't trust anyone around here. Maybe I'll try to push that up a bit.

I feel totally overwhelmed with choices and processes, for both routes (IVF and adoption). Our fear in trying IVF is that it will not work and we will not have $$ (or it will take more time to save up) for adoption. Of course, theoretically, IVF could work. Of course, being almost 4o, the odds are against me. If it doesn't work, yes, it could be diagnostic. But we don't really have funds for more cycles. So.

We may also do an IUI cycle while waiting to get in and/or getting testing for IVF, so as not to waste eggs.

Have I mentioned how much this sucks? But you folks know that already.

Having gotten that longstanding project done, finally, I would have thought I'd be feeling better. Not really.

If anything, I think I care less, feel more hopeless, more lost and confused about what I'm doing here and what I want to be doing. I was supposed to attend our university grad stud.ent conf this weekend, and I just couldn't do it. Of course, It was also the official Day 1, but that's not really something I want to be sharing with faculty and colleagues.

I don't even know that it's totally related to all this IF. And loss. Though, I have been having...well, almost flashbacks -- just sensations of sadness and loss and hopelessness -- from past losses. My mom, the boys...

And even though I know this topic I'm working on, this thing that seems to be becoming a project, I have mixed feelings about it. Like I'm too immersed to be able to explore it. I'm right there. Probably too close.

Which means, of course, I am without a larger inquiry focus. And I need one.

I don't know where to start. I've been looking at SART (and they have their 2008 data up, finally), but it doesn't tell me much that I don't already know. What next? I sent away for information, but that's so passive.

How do I start looking into adoption? Finding out about info sessions and home studies?


**PS: open to suggestions**


Donna said...

I'm so sorry...

DH & I have done both - Adoption and IVF...(in that order)

I'm an infrequent commenter and a frequent lurker...If I can be of any help - feel free to e-mail me.

Tash said...

I think you start by thinking about, well, nothing. Letting something drift across your radar and looking into it while you happen to be focussed, but not worrying about any one thing too, too much.

Having never done this but read oodles about it, I'm pretty sure some clinics offer "packages" of sorts -- a set number or tries + meds and success based pricing. You might check into that while you research where to go, but I'd definitely put it in the pool of what to ask.

Also, Dawn at has AWESOME country charts/spreadsheets and tons, tons of information on adoption. She might be a good springboard just to get your feet wet, and then something to come back to when you feel a bit more focussed on a track in particular.

Know we're here for you, whatever you decide. Always.

It is what it is said...

As a long time follower of your blog, I want to be a real resource if you'd like it. Having done 7 own egg IVFs (after 2 IUIs), 1 FET, and 1 fresh DE and 1 DEFET, and having been to several domestic & international adoption seminars, all while researching the aformentioned nationally, I think I can lend a hand (or an ear).
I also assisted two friends who are now pregnant through donated embryos, so I have some information with regard to that.
Please email and I'll share what I've learned :)

niobe said...

I was going to say exactly (well, more or less) what the previous poster said. If you're not in the mood for suggestions (or you've already thought of and rejected the following) just ignore this.

If you're open to adoption and non-bio kids, embryo donation can be a great way to go. It involves an FET, which at around $1,500 to $3,000 is much, much cheaper than either adoption or IVF. And if it doesn't work, you'll have more resources to try other options.

Okay, I'll stop talking now.

Betty M said...

Nothing I can offer except generalistions can help coming from the other side of the Atlantic except maybe on IVF - adoption is so different here and embryo donation not available.

Reba said...

big big hugs, first of all...

then, if it were me i would start with going to a session in your area on adoption. if you know someone who has adopted, find out who their agency was and if they liked them.

i would not stop looking at ivf stuff while you're looking into adoption stuff. this is your life and your family and why not keep your options open and learn as much as you can.

CLC said...

I have no advice. Just wanted to let you know that I am sorry and am thinking of you and C.

Unknown said...

oh sue, i'm sorry that you are in this same world i'm in. i have nothing to say except that i'm here and sending love. xo

k@lakly said...

I hate that whenever you ask for help all I have is _______. I wish I could tell you something, anything of use as far as any of your options but, I am nothing if not consistant. I have 0.
That being said, my thought is that you do still have several options. And that's a good thing. And I know, without a doubt, there will be many, many women here who will be able to give you good, solid advice and help you as you navigate through this next part of the joureny.
I, meanwhile, will remain steadfast in the cheering section, always here just to listen and to let you know that I will support you and all of your choices, whereever they lead.