...fuck it all
I want to say...when is it my turn?
But that's now how it works.
I want to say...well, we'll keep trying, despite age, despite resources. This is only our first try. First try on this go-round, any way.
I want to say... well, I have this whole other life, this whole other part of me, this is not all I am.
But it doesn't feel true. I've tasted this. I've been so close.
I don't know how to go on without this. I guess that I can. I know others have.
It feels like there are so many things I've had to let go of. This, too? Really?