Sunday, September 20, 2009

I need some cookies

Or drugs. Or something.

Having too many flashbacks. Getting nothing done except freaking myself out. And it's only 9:30.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck


Why are we doing this again? I can't even get through the first week of the two week wait. How am I supposed to get through 40 weeks?

How am I going to get through the BFN?

Where did all that strength optimism hope go?



Newt said...

I think cookies are a great idea!

Forty weeks is too long to imagine--I think this is one of those one foot in front of the other times. Get through tonight. You're doing so great--you're absolutely amazing, Sue.

I hope you can enjoy your new bed tonight!

jill said...

Have no advice here - just wanted to offer you a hug.


Kate said...


These feelings are overwhelming- I know- I've been there- though your own fears are yours and unique to you, I hope it is of comfort to know that others have been there and i believe you wil make it through.

I hope you are feeling ebter.

k@lakly said...

It's torture, the waiting. I wish I lived closer so I could bring you some treats and sit with you. It's much better to have someone next to you while you are pulling out all of your hair isn't it???
I hope the days go by faster and that the testing comes soon and yields some very positive news:)

luna said...

Luna's Favorite Chewy Ginger Molasses Cookies (you asked!)

2 cups all-purpose flour (I use whole wheat pastry flour)
1 ½ teaspoons ground ginger
1 teaspoon baking soda
½ teaspoon ground cloves
¼ teaspoon cinnamon
¼ teaspoon salt
¼ teaspoon vanilla
¾ cup (12 tbsp) butter, softened
1 cup light brown sugar
¼ cup molasses
¼ to ½ cup candied ginger, chopped into very small chunks
1 egg
Granulated sugar (for rolling)

1. Preheat oven to 375°F. Line cookie sheets with parchment paper.

2. Combine flour, ground ginger, baking soda, cloves, cinnamon, and salt in small bowl; set aside.

3. Beat butter and 1 cup sugar in large bowl at medium speed of electric mixer until light and fluffy. Add molasses and egg; beat until well blended. Add vanilla. Add candied ginger; beat until blended. Gradually beat in flour mixture at low speed just until blended.

4. Roll dough into balls the size of large marshmallows; then roll balls in granulated sugar and place about 3 inches apart onto prepared cookie sheets. Flatten somewhat with bottom of glass until about 2 inches in diameter.

5. Bake 11 to 12 minutes OR until cookies are set. Cool 2 minutes on cookie sheets; slide parchment paper and cookies onto wire racks. Cool completely.

Makes about 1 dozen large cookies
(I'd like to make some right now!)

Tash said...

One freakin' minute at a time.

Have a cookie, or two. Waiting with you!

Melanie said...

I can tell you that the more you think about it, the slower time is going to go. You just have to take it one day at a time. Thinking, worrying and mulling over it won't make it go by any faster, so you just have to find whatever to occupy your time. Bake cookies or cupcakes, read, watch TV, go to the zoo (I like the zoo...just an idea), go to a movie, sew or whatever it is you like to do.....

Make your husband distract you. That's what I do. I have horrible anxiety, and when I can't stop thinking/worrying about something my husband finds ways to distract me (and no I don't mean sex!). I like to watch a lot of NetFlix too.

You can and will do this. Imagine how awesome it will feel to get that BFP. Make it to 24wks viability. Make it to 40wks. Make it home with a baby in your arms. Then you'll look back at all this and know it was all worth it. And at the end of the day, you will know that you tried everything possible to make your dreams come true.

But you know what, I think it is going to happen for you this time. You and your husband have been through enough heartache for ten lifetimes and you deserve that happiness.

Still praying,


Sara said...

Eat some damn cookies.

Jump in some puddles.

And then eat more cookies.

I have no idea how to make it go faster or better, but I know the days will pass inevitably, and we'll be here.

charmedgirl said...

dude, the 2ww is the worst hell on earth. seriously. DO NOT underestimate the suckiness of the 2ww, and do ANYTHING, WHATEVEr you need to do to get through it. fuck diets and budgets and so on. omg if i even think of what the 2ww feels like my bones shudder. fill your days with goodies and movies and whatever it takes...

Erin said...

Hang in there! The TWW is the worst. I found your blog through Busted Babymaker. I took a while to read through your history. I am hoping that this cycle is a BFP for you. My blog is private, but you can email me at for an invitation.

Michele said...

Do you have an Elevation Burger near you??? They make the best choc chip oatmeal pecan cookies. They help the time pass. I can send you some if needed; there is one right by the hospital. (They are made with organic ingredients so I tell myself they are good for me).

Sending hugs...