I even sat next to her for a little while.
It wasn't horrible, but I felt like a freak, and I couldn't stop looking at her perfect pregnant self. She looks great.
She's not the warmest person in the world, but she didn't say anything to me that was inappropriate. Everybody (people from C's dept) knew about what happened, but not one person at the gathering mentioned what happened to us, but why would they? They had all given C their condolences in January, why bring it up now? Especially in the presence of the adviser. A bit of Awkward. At the end, I asked her how she was feeling, if she was ready to "go" and we made a little small talk.
It was odd to be sort of, well, near conversations about pregnancy or baby names or maternity clothes and not participate. I felt like it would be awkward, since, well I don't have a baby even though I was pg.
It wasn't horrible. But it was.
*****
I'm so tired of all this. Everything being laden with...I don't even know what. Everything being loaded. Watching for minefields. Feeling like I"m on emotional eggshells or something. I don't know what's going to break me.
I got no work done today. I guess I know why.
Tomorrow I'll post pics of the possible dresses. Back to ignoring the knot in my chest. Thanks for your comments.
*****
Okay: Dresses. They are pretty simple, but I figure that provides more to work with. They look a little darker in real life. I've got them linked to the AT site.
Okay here's the Double V-neck:
Here's the strapless.
Okay, people, thoughts? Votes? Ideas for accessorizing/shoes?
Let's hear it!
9 comments:
I do that, too - stare at pregnant woman like I'm some leering pervert. I can't help it. I'm in awe of them almost as much as I resent them. I would have said something to her also, BUT I would say something HOPING she would acknowledge my loss. I've been disappointed in these situations before though, and I suspect I will be again.
C., I totally *wanted* her to say something. I wanted *someone* to say *something*. But no one did. And I didn't expect they would.
It's too weird, too awkward, I guess. And I fucking hate that.
I know those situations all too well and I can't f'ing stand that. it's hard enough to think about the perfect pregnancy and healthy baby at the end, but all that awkwardness around our losses -- and for me my inability to conceive again -- I just can't f'ing stand it. it's like after a couple of months at most, people think it's ok to forget about it, or tell themselves they just don't want to upset you, or more likely don't want to be uncomfortable themselves. whatever.
what I'd give to have someone care enough to REALLY ask how I'm doing now and actually give a crap.
it's been so long for me now that no one will ever ask about my boy. hardly anyone asks anything about anything anymore ever. it's all too f'ing weird. I've given up on so many people.
*hugs*
I totally get this
Ugh. I'm sorry people are so dense. Academic relationships can be tricky under the best of circumstances, and boy, these aren't them.
Why was a pregnant woman hosting a happy hour?
sounds like hell. I would've downed a bunch right in front of her, in silence, or left. The fact that you spoke to her says you're a far better person than I.
Now let's see this dress already!
Did anyone ask how you were doing? I take that as asking. Maybe it is how I cope with people not really asking. Perception is a big part of it.
I like the dress with the straps.
White pearls?
I am partial to silver- chunky necklace, matching bracelet? Sparkling pumps? oh, or silver strappy sandals.
Ya know, you are going to have to post pics of you two at the wedding (don't worry, you can chop off your heads)
I love the v-neck one, it's so classy and timeless looking! Either would be great with Pearls and maybe some drop pearl earrings. Or diamondy-sparkly jewelry, depending on what you have. You could also go with black jewelry and black shoes. I think kitten heels would be pretty. Just make sure that you feel comfortable in whatever you've got on!
I think the double V neck too. I think silver or champagne strappy shoes would be great since it'll be summer. Black shoes and accessories might make the whole feel too heavy.
Love the idea of pearls with this too. Or something simple in silver.
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