My brother is getting married in a month.
We used to like the girl, excuse me, woman who will be his wife, but somehow after the engagement was official all this new information surfaced.
I started to type up the history of their relationship, but it's just too long and boring. To summarize:
They started dating in fall of 2000, when my mom got sick.
She seemed very sweet at first, very involved in our family.
She is first generation American, from a culture that suffered attempted genocide.
Her family said "You'll never marry a Jew."
They dated anyway.
And continued to date.
She was needy.
So was he.
Her family demands a lot of their time. Lots of activities.
On again, off again.
She likes nice things.
She is used to having nice things.
He is emotionally and vocationally immature.
He gave her my mother's ring.
She liked the ring, even though it's small.
He complains that our family is too scattered and that we don't support each other.
They will marry in her church, even though she is not religious.
He converted so they can marry in her church, even though she is not religious.
Even though none of it means anything to either of them.
He does not understand why this is difficult for the rest of the family to accept.
They will raise the (assumed) children Christian, so as not to confuse them.
There will be "nothing Jewish in her house."
Ostensibly, so the children will not be confused.
He does not understand why the rest of the family is so upset, we were never very religious anyway.
Religiously they will be Christian, culturally (theoretically) they will be Jewish and (her culture).
His oldest friend cannot be his best man because he is not baptized in the Christian church.
She asks me and my sister to be bridesmaids in the wedding, set to take place 2 months after my twins are due. I accept with a caveat.
My water breaks at 20 weeks.
He comes to visit, leaves the day of the delivery.
In my grief, I pull out of the wedding.
My sister gets pregnant, with twins, due in October.
Won't be able to travel from LA for the wedding due to 28 wks pg with twins, so she pulls out, too.
My sister loses her twins at almost 18 weeks
Neither of us are in the wedding, but will both attend.
No one on our side of the family attends NY bridal shower.
He feels unsupported.
Sunday afternoon church wedding in July, 3:30 pm
Sunday evening reception, 7pm. Black tie optional.
What the hell do I wear?
Okay, kinda long for a summary. There are a TON of issues in there, which I'm sure you can glean. I'm choosing to focus on the stupidity of an afternoon church wedding and black tie optional reception 3 hours later.
The wedding is in the NY metro area (NOT in the city), reception is probably 30-45 minutes from the church. I went to Ann Taylor and found some pretty dresses, but they are deep red (gorgeous, and a great color on me). They come in other colors, but I don't know which I would choose.
Do I get two dresses, one for ceremony, one for reception? Do I accessorize the hell out of one dress (make casual, make formal) and add make-up/jewelry for the reception?
Really, it doesn't even matter. And would it be bad to wear a deep red dress to a wedding? Really? Even if I wear a shrug or a wrap or something with it? Black dress doesn't work for an afternoon wedding. Deep blue? The bridesmaids are wearing long, strapless graphite colored dresses.
I'll see if I can find pics of the dresses that I found.
In the mean time, any thoughts/questions on clothes and my new sister in law are welcome.
At this point our frustration with the future SIL is less about the religion and more about how things have to be her way. Didn't really go into it on the post, but he kind of lets her dictate a lot of what they do and how. A lot of times he gives in and says, well, the wife usually gets the final word anyway. Like he's given up and is already practicing his "yes, dear." Who is this man? Makes me sad and mad.
There is more, but too much to go into. He seems to think her pushy family is better than ours because they are all there, all the time. Ours is not, but we are there when it counts, I think.