Yesterday was a dark day. My eyes are still kinda sore from tears.
Full of anger and argument. Fighting. Frustration. Loss.
Have you ever felt like you were trying to say something, perhaps trying to say it in different ways, so the other can really understand, but they just didn't? You keep having this same conversation, sometimes with different people, but no one seems to hear, seems to understand the words. You don't know how else to say it, how else to communicate this thing. And this is someone who otherwise understands you, loves you. Whom you feel you understand, whom you love.
But it's like you have apha.sia or something. It sounds like you are saying the same thing, but the meaning is not there.
By the end of the day, there was clarity. Or, at least, a little more of it.
Today, the light seemed different. A little better. At least for now. Some progress.
C leaves tomorrow for my in-laws for the holiday. I am staying here. Initially, I thought I would go, too, but, for a number of reasons, I am staying put. My dear friend will be here, but not until the day after Chri.stmas.
I am trying to decide if I will stay home in bed, medicated and eating, or if I'll go out and try to volunteer somewhere, in hopes of some good coming out of this day. Some real distraction. Not sure yet. Suggestions are welcome.