Today (Saturday) is (was) Cycle Day 2, and my period is heavier than it has been for at least 2 or 3 cycles. Ouch. I don't know if I mentioned this, but in my post-op appointment, my RE said that my left ovary (and I think tube) were essentially non-functional with all the endo. He said he got it all.
So, the nurse returned my call and they had me come in this morning. How old are you, again? I think he asks me this every cycle. He has me start stims tonight, CD2 instead of the usual CD3. I don't know what that means. Any thoughts are welcome. Also, he's upped the dosage to 3 amps for the first 4 stims, instead of 3, 2, 3, 2. I am assuming this has something to do with my age, something he noticed during the lap, or trying to get things moving faster. The last two cycles he said I was stimming really well, so he wasn't worried about imminent ovarian failure. So?
Did I mention my conversation with him last time about C's atheism and my agnosticism? He was curious, about what each meant, and I talked about my recent wrestling with the idea of a god teaching a lesson or having a plan that involved so much pain for so many, something so hurtful. He agreed they were terrible theories, but thanked me for sharing my thoughts.
On his website, it says (and has said since the beginning) "a ch.ild is a gift f.rom God." I've often wondered about this. What does this mean for IFs? For those who are never "blessed" by God with a child? Especially from the point of view of an RE?
He has never proselytized or mentioned anything like this in any appointment. He is a man of science, bonded with C over focus on research. And then this morning, I noticed that, posted on the bulletin board next to the check in window is this fax from another doctor. I've never seen it before in the clinic. It's dated some time in November of this year, and entitled What do I believe God meant when he [sic] gave me infertility?
It's an Hallmark card-like essay/poem by some random person I've never heard of, basically saying that God gave me infertility to help me savor the sweetness of the child I do raise, no matter how he or she comes to me.
I mean, I get the idea, that it's not part of some plan, but...