I hope I didn't hit any nerves or offend anyone with my last post. I'm just trying to untangle this jumbled mess inside my head. I'm really wanting to have another child, but I think I'm rationalizing something because I don't think I can bear another loss, and I don't know if I trust doctors anymore.
Tell me about your best and worst moments as parents, if you have living kids, or their best and worst moments.
4 comments:
What I edited out of the long PITA version of my post is that the night I started my chart, Bella was in a pisser of a mood. I thought I'd have to pull the chart out and just fill a bunch of circles reading "Fuck this."
This is a tough question. It's single-handedly the most difficult and enjoyable thing I've done. Maybe if you could think about how shitty your experience was and then turn it inside out? See the reverse image? Because it can be just that amazing.
I'm just not sure I feel like treading through the shit again.
Oh, I meant to say -- you know my worst moment. And now I know yours. That's certainly one way of looking at this. And I don't mean "Things can only get better!" because we all know that's poo, but just to say -- you've been through the bad. It might happen again, but it's familiar now. If things turn out ok, it will never stoop to that level.
I know that I was so terrified of another loss that I wouldn't even consider carrying another pregnancy myself. Somehow, in my twisted little mind, it seems like the loss would be less painful if the surrogate was the one who was pregnant.
I'm so terrified of being pregnant again that I have these conversations with myself, about how I'll need to plan another memorial service, etc. It's really morbid and horrible. Talk about a bad moment. I can't even imagine what a "normal" (or as normal as I can get) pregnancy might be. These aren't my shining moments...
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