Spent an hour and twenty minutes on the phone, and according to my symptoms and history, Dr. Mensch thinks my loss was a case of Incompetent Cervix. In other words...
Not. My. Fault.
He was horrified that no one had given me a PPROM diagnosis beyond "fluke" and AMA with twins.
Much of the conversation was him explaining the Trans.abdomin.al Cerclage and the Va.ginal Cerc.lage and his, well, passion for the TAC. Part of it felt like a sell job, but, god, he was so passionate about not putting women through repeated losses when the TAC could help them. And he's worked with/taught my RE.
We certainly have research and thinking to do. Haven't really discussed it with each other yet, C and I. And more opinions and research. But there was something amazing about someone with his credentials, his passion and experience tell me that there was a (physical) reason for losing the boys. He never said it outright, but he said it for over an hour: Not My Fault. Not saying it because I'm crying, or because I'm perseverating or because he loves me.
Last night I was thinking, I'm going to have to carry this guilt around with me for the rest of my life.