Have you found it difficult, since blogging, to get ideas down on paper? I mean with a pen and a notebook? I used to be a har.d co.re long hand kind of girl, and now I just feel disorganized. Thoughts?
I have felt extremely disconnected since my computer bit the dust. The black.berry is great, but not for posting or commenting much.
Anyone have any recommendations? I was using an excellent iB.ook that lasted 4 and a half years and I may go with the next iteration of it, but it's a lot of cash to lay out at once, even with the student discount. How about those Net.books, The little computers? They're very cute, but I may be too old and decrepit to type and or read that screen. Or other laptops? Del.l, etc.? Having been a Mac girl for a while I don't know the brands or reputations. I have Consumer Re.ports, but not the patience to go through the site. I welcome all comments, suggestions and advice. Well, the nice ones, if you know what I mean.
Well, I've been on an emotional roller coaster since my conversation with Dr. Mensch, but I'm beginning to feel like maybe we can do this again, and.... well,..... I've gotten that little jump in my chest when I think that we might have a living, healthy baby after all.
I go back and forth about what does he know vs. the symptoms were close to other things vs. REALLY wanting to believe that a TAC could solve all our problems. But it seems like a miracle device and I'm wary.
Has anyone worked with Dr. Mensch before? He's based at U of Chi.cago and has done about 500 of these TACs (transa.bdominal cer.clage). Very knowledgeable and passionate on the phone, seems very accessible, great office staff. Excellent credentials. His last name begins with an H. If you've worked with him before, what was your experience like? Do you have any advice for working with him or any questions I should ask him? Warnings? Concerns?
Anyone else with IC get a TAC with another doctor? I'd kind of like to talk to others to see if they have similar responses. Any advice in getting one or not?
It seems I'm going through all the grieving all over again. Not reliving it, well, yes, reliving it, but with the perspective of IC, rather than "oh, what a terrible, tragic, fluke" and feeling no control, but totally responsible. Also, hearing this doctor say what he did about how we absolutely did the right thing in inducing, saving me from potential infection and my baby from a short, painful life of severe disability.
Letting go of Jacob now seems like an inevitable thing, as hard as it was, a safe and kind thing. I don't know, I can't say it right. The doctor didn't really address the loss of Joshua, but aside from assuming that my cervix probably was responsible for his demise and the collapse of the cranial structures (that and the muscles of my uterus, just from day to day living), I'm finding just a little bit of peace there. Just a little bit.
Somehow, with one conversation, I have been, well, absolved. Our loss has gone from no answers, from my personal failing to the failing of a part of my body. Talk about a paradigm shift.
And when I off-handedly said that every doctor we worked with mentioned crystal balls, he said, briskly, "what? no, no crystal balls. You don't have to go through this kind of loss again."
Now, we all know that anything can happen, but I can't tell you the comfort of working with a doctor who doesn't shrug his shoulders, and talk about crystal balls.