Tuesday, April 27, 2010

And the hits just keep coming

The meds have been helping. Really, I've been feeling a *little* better, a little more functional. Really. My sister even noticed it on the phone tonight.

On my way home from class tonight, I called my sister just a quick call, but the call-waiting rang through. I ignored because I was driving. When I got home I see it's from my brother. This is classic. Somehow, they each know when I"m talking to the other.

His message is short; I know *something's* up.

She's pregnant. His wife. Due in early November.

Was this an accident? On purpose? Don't know, didn't ask. I was full of congratulations -- I could hear such happiness and excitement in his voice. Truly, wishing them well, wishing them a boring 6 more months, the whole thing... And I meant it. mostly.

Even as I was saying it, it was kind of an out of body experience.

After I hung up with him, reality settles in. (C says, "take a pill before this fully settles.")

He's not telling my sister yet. So, yeah, great, we get to play triangulation again, since they are barely on speaking terms. Great!! Maybe I'll divorce the family and everyone else can go screw and I won't be everyone's weird aunt. I wouldn't even be the good kind of weird.

I called my shrink, and her first words? "Oh, Dear." Yeah. No time for an extra session.

This is the last week of classes. I have work to do. Things to prepare. Grades to give.

Goddammit.

9 comments:

Reba said...

hearing about new pregnancies never gets easier. even after you have a successful pregnancy with a good outcome, people are still afraid to tell you the news, which makes it all uncomfortable and weird, and then you remember why it's uncomfortable and weird, and then you're both thinking about your babies who passed away and the newly pregnant person is now afraid of you and/or thinking the ever-awful "that could never happen to me, though." it just sucks, i'm sorry.

Sue said...

He didn't even preface this with, "I know this might be hard for you." So of course I go into, "Wow! Super! Awesome!" with him. I crashed after.

And Oh, I just can't wait for the drama after everyone finds out.

Tash said...

Aw fuck Sue. I'm sorry. The timing and delivery and everything . . . .just couldn't be worse. Sounding v. much like my IL's. I hate that people can't take the 2 seconds to recognize what it is we might feel, or the 2 seconds to just up and ask. Drives me nuts.

You have every right to be angry -- at some point it's not the news itself (although that's admittedly a gut punch) but the way it's given and by whom and under what pretense and what they expect from you. In other words, at some point it's not you. It's not.

k@lakly said...

With Tash here on this one. Sometimes it just doesn't take a rocket scientist to stop and think, um, maybe I should go gently with this. If not the bro(male factor insensitivity) then certainly the sis-in-law should have cautioned him....but really, it's on him.

I'm so sorry. I hate writing that. I hate it. It doesn't tell it like it should.

xxoo

Beruriah said...

K@lakly statement about the "sis-in-law" made me almost spit out my granola. Your brother ought to have more of a semblance of a clue.

You really are so charitable towards them on this blog. Of course you wish them 6 boring months. I think the creeping bad thoughts we have about others' pregnancies has not to do with wanting bad things, but with feeling alone, exiled from normal life events. He could done it better, reduced the exile, if he could get his head out of his own fantasy world and back to his family.

I had two good friends tell me they were pregnant around the same time before Baby Man. One did so acknowledging Natan, and that this would be hard, and the other in fact got angry when I sounded less than thrilled, even though I was trying so hard to act it. You can guess who's still a good friend.

loribeth said...

This you don't need. People can be so clueless, & men in particular. I'm sorry. :(

k@lakly said...
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Beruriah said...
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k@lakly said...
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