Monday, November 9, 2009


Seems like it was a nice weekend all around. Weather, indeed, helps the spirits.

Alas, moods pass. Clouds return.

It was not the antibiotics. It's just me. Sad. Anxious. Hopeless. Teary. Again.

I did no school/classwork. Met up with a friend at the dogpark who is totally awesome, but just (unknowingly) reminds me of how out of the loop I am professionally. Socially, I am finding footing. Some. Not enough. I am 16 again.

RE says to give it another cycle or two before making any big decisionssince technically we just finished cycle 2, not 11. Will support us in whatever we want to do. Is willing to field questions and suggestions to tweak treatments.

Horrible clouds of despair. Wanting to hide under the covers. Don't know where to go or what to do with all this.

Referral to a urologist. Potentially research IVF clinics. Hi, nice to meet you. Here let me open my legs for you. Can you talk to me like I have a brain in my head? And give me any real hope? Who do I trust. Doctors?

All this dreck a half an hour after 1 mg of Klon. I have a regularly scheduled appointment on Wednesday with the pharm shrink.

Oh, and the necklace came off. No, I took the necklace off. Maybe it's all this. Maybe it's just the season.


p.s. Nov 7 was two years since the nuchal, when we really got invested in the little creatures floating around my belly. It was when C came out to everyone.

p.p.s. Nov 15 wll be one year since we brought Stella home. And we are all better off for it. LOVE her. And yet, reminded of much more.


Michele said...

sending you hugs... big ones...

Julia said...

I'm sorry...
This all sucks and blows. Big time.

And I think I understand about being out of sync professionally. I am looking for a job now, and feeling the weight of time and decisions since A died. One before is also in the mix-- taking a one year position because I knew we were about to start trying.

Aunt Becky said...

Sending you love and light, Sue.

erica said...

This is so hard. I wish I could shower you with warm cookies.