Disjointed and annoyed and up too late.
I can feel the half an ambien trying to work, but I'm resisting.
Met with the "life coach" guy again on Saturday. Since the two others in my class didn't show, I got a private coaching session with him and his wife. It was actually good. I think. Somehow I can accept the questions he asks me. and the sense he makes of my words. Maybe some stuff that had been simmering, ruminating, meandering around my brain.
I almost felt hopeful for a day or so. Trying to think about somethings differently. Thinking about the way things have been happening. How I've been, how I've reacted. How I'd like to change something things, ways I react.
And yet, I'm still so angry and sad. I never got a break, between the end of classes, finals week, losing Grandma; now my summer classes have started and I have work to complete from the spring, still..
(Did I already post about this?) I made a narrative for that one research class I was taking. The one with the faculty who said the absolutely wrong things right after my loss. She has been better around that. I may post what I wrote for that project. It included a few posts from here, but wound up being about telling the story. What sliver do I tell? Even as I re-read it now, I can see sloppy writing on my part, things I would edit. She had some interesting things to say, though, my prof. Unexpected. Not sure what to do with it.
Sort of feels like a sea change is coming. Or might be. I don't know. The ground underneath me, the feel of the air is different somehow.
Time to sleep, or try to.