Thursday, May 6, 2010

Oh, and (edited)

My grandmother is dying. Her heart is failing and she is barely lucid.

I just collected my students' final exams which I have to grade and post by Tuesday at noon. C may not even be able to come home with me due to final exams and posting grades, and, oh, there are the animals. Do we take Stella with us? Will she freak out if we leave her alone in my dad's house ? There are several people who we might be able to leave her with, but I don't even know when I'm going or who I'm going with. And the cats?

My sister is going out on a date-night to night, and trying to justify staying in a hotel because her loser husband can't be flexible, and gets stressed because there's no space and is "concerned about cleanliness" as far as the baby goes. This is the same husband who put the baby down outside a Westwood/UCLA cafe, in the dark and WALKED AWAY FROM HER, to get something out of the car.

This is the same loser husband who gave her grief in the days surrounding my mother's funeral because my sister didn't have time to shower with him. It's not like she had anything else to deal with.

Well, you know, he's not used to being in such cramped quarters, 'cause we practically have a whole wing when we go to his mothers' in Bloomfield Hills. I told her, well, it's nice that my niece won't have to worry about cramped quarters, she'll always be comfortable.

Fuck.

I'm not ready for this. I haven't talked to her in a couple of weeks. I know I complained, but it was a complaint of privilege.

I'm not ready for this.


ETA: Don't worry, I'm off to take a pill and try to *do* something.

4 comments:

Siri said...

Yikes! Sue, I'm so, so sorry. Oh grandma. If we were in Oxford I'd take Stella in--have you considered Mel and Jeff? They board individual dogs sometimes, so they might be the ideal place to leave Stella. Plus she'd get some practice....cats can stay at Oxford Pet Retreat. They'll be fine. Cats can deal.

I hope you get out there as soon as you can and that you have some time with her. Remember that the best, most loyal, loving granddaughters still feel terrible when their grandmothers go...there's no way to get around wishing you had more time.

My heart is with you guys. And peace to your grandmother.

Beruriah said...

We can handle the cats and Stella, at whatever moment you have to go. We've had guest doggies before, and the cats have been fine. We can't take the cats, but we'll drop by.

I'm so sorry about your grandma.

erica said...

Thinking of you and wishing this weren't happening, that it weren't happening with the weight of finals grading already on you (in addition to the weight of everything else).

Lollipop Goldstein said...

I'm so sorry, sweetie. Just sending love about your grandmum.