Tuesday, September 9, 2008


Tomorrow will mark one year since the beta, the first one for my pregnancy with the boys. September 10, 2007. I had just gotten back from Santa Fe where my cousin got married in her front yard in a beautiful, multicultural wedding and reception (the diametric opposite of my brother's wedding; unfortunately, he decided he couldn't spare the $ for a plane ticket since they were saving for a house). It was such a gorgeous, wonderful wedding; a gorgeous day.

I told my dad on the day of the wedding (on the 8th) that it looked like this cycle worked. I never used the P word, but he knew what I meant. I felt that since I always told him after the fact, that this time I would let him enjoy a little "grandpa time" since I didn't know how long this one would last. He was speechless and misty and couldn't stop hugging me. I was four weeks pregnant, still peeing on sticks (4 days after the first bfp) to see if that second line was still getting darker. It was pretty dark at that point, not much room to get darker.

So we came back Sunday evening, I called the RE's office and left a message that I needed an appointment for a beta. I had talked to the nurse before we left (I needed a note so I could bring my shots), but they wouldn't run a beta. She said it was too early, wouldn't give useful information because it was too soon. So I had to wait until Monday, 16dp.iui, when they always run the betas.

I was there early on Monday, on 5 hours of sleep. Drove back and tried to focus on teaching my class from 11 to 12. The nurse called at about 12:50, and I ran out of the office to answer the phone. Before I even got to the door, she was saying "It's good! You want to know the number?"

I sure did. I was shaking when she told me. It was the highest beta I'd ever had at any point of any pregnancy (stupid chemic.al pregn.ancies). Shaking, I let C know. He was still holding his breath. Have to see what happens in two days. His inital responses to this pg was "I'll trust it when I'm changing diapers."

Called JK on her cell and just kept saying, "I can't believe it. Wow. Wow. I can't believe it." But I did. With such a great number, I was really starting to hope. I don't know how I got through the rest of the day.

Two days later, at 18 dp.iui, it was 1354. A doubling time of 39 hours. In a few days I would start getting heartburn.

At the ultrasound week later, at 5w 4d, there were two, perfectly sized sacs. I was not surprised. I was thrilled. I knew, somehow, it would be okay. We were going to have twins.


Tash said...

I can't remember the day (although I can remember the week) or the number(s), but I distinctly remember the conversation: no line. I walked out and said casually, "by the way we're not pregnant." Walked back in 5 minutes later to find an extremely faint line. walked back out. "I take that back."

I've apparently been taking it back ever since.

So sorry, S. Remembering being pregnant is just so tough -- it's like a fairy tale out of body thing that happened to someone else.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

Oh my this is so hard to read, I can't imagine what it's like to write out in front of you.

I hope it help, I hope you get whatever it is people say you can get from putting this down.

Write on, I wish you well.

k@lakly said...

It's the meanest joke the universe can play on a soul, to dangle the life of a child or children in front of them and then snatch it all away, leaving none of the joy only the heartache.
It sucks...huge.

CLC said...

Oh, I hate/love remembering my pregnancy. I was never so happy, and I have never been so heartbroken. I am sorry you have to face this too.

luna said...

what k@lakly said.

so sorry this is all coming back this way. everything about that first year is so hard.

continuing to think of you.

Reba said...

I will never forget my beta number with my twins, either...375, 14dpiui. And I will never forget lying there on the table during my first ultrasound, at 7 weeks, and hearing the ultrasound tech say, "Are you guys ready? There's two!" Hubby said everytime he looked over at me after that, I was just lying there, grinning up at the ceiling. Two babies...twins. I could not believe how lucky we were.

A.M.S. said...

Just quiet hugs. This year, with its capital D dates has been such a hard one. So, I just offer hugs because I know nothing makes it any better.

noswimmers said...

Oh hun...reading this broke my heart. I can just imagine how excited you were.
I'm sending you HUGE HUGS. Take care of yourself.