Sunday, August 10, 2008

Ever again?

Does it ever come back? That feeling of peace right before you fall asleep. You know, aside from the bills that need to get paid, and the lawn that needs to get mowed and that report that needs to be completed... Aside from all that.

I'm laying here in the dark pretty much weaned off the amb.ien, down to a very small dose of Ati.van wondering if I will ever be able to go to sleep without the fear/anxiety/sadness/grief/whateverthehellitis hovering over me.

Just that sense of...peace is the only word I can think of, and it may not be the right one.

The being able to sleep without the sadness. Without wanting to quiet the thoughtsbeforesleep.

Anyone?

10 comments:

luna said...

that's why I have to wait until I'm about to drop before my head hits the pillow.

sometimes, I deep breathe myself to sleep, just to exhale those thoughts and inhale the healthy quiet the mind thoughts before bed...

Natalie said...

I've been wondering the same thing. Like luna, I wait until I'm exhausted before attempting to sleep.

Julia said...

Me three-- wait until I can barely move. I have been pinning it on the anxiety over this pregnancy, but I may be wrong...

CLC said...

I go to sleep now when I feel like I am about to keel over, not when I think I should go. And it seems to work...I don't just lie there anymore waiting for sleep to come.

Mrs. Spit said...

I read until I'm exhausted. Then I try to collect my scattered thoughts and say my prayers. . .

Carrie said...

I don't think it'll ever be ok again. Not the same as it was. I just hope it gets easier with time, with life moving on and with good things happening once more.

Isn't it pretty to think so said...

i drug myself up on xanax...then i wake up in the middle of the night when it as worn off and cry and read blogs.

k@lakly said...

I slept all the time. First b/c of the drugs, then the cocktails and finally, after I gave all that up, it was sheer exhaustion. I found it weird, really, that I slept so much but then I realized it is my escape.
xxoo

c. said...

Sleep wasn't ever an issue for me. It was being conscious and aware. It's still difficult. Even now. I'm waiting for peace, too.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

I can't pretend to be coming from the same place as you, but I do know what you are talking about.

A constant state of anxiety, something missing, something just wrong. That doesn't leave you as you lay yourself down to sleep.

I don't know when the peace will come.