Tuesday, August 12, 2008

And I think...

Thank god I'm not the only one.

It's not just me. I sputter and whine, and cry, and kvetch, and then I read. Responses to my posts. Posts from my comrades in DBL. Glow in the Woods.

And then I cry because I have felt all by myself in this terrible land. And I think, oh, I'm making too much of things. And I'm the only one who has not been able to get over this, or do that.

And I find that I am not. And that makes it just a tiny bit easier.


Over at GITW, the medusas have posed a question about what, if anything we get from the discussion on that blog. I have to say that while I don't always comment, I almost always read. And virtually every post has left me thinking. But sometimes it's too hard to gather the thoughts together. Sometimes it's too hard to respond with a voice. Sometimes it's enough for me to just listen, as I pour through the comments.

Actively responding sometimes brings me too deeply back into that world, as I walk the line between the living and the grief. I know, it is possible to grieve and live at the same time, but I am still working on that. Sometimes I look up from the computer and realize where I am, physically. Time has escaped, my mind has escaped, gone to a place few go.

I can honestly say that I have probably thought or uttered just every line on that list. Visiting the cabin, well, it's good to know it's there. It's good to be there, where sometimes I can speak, sometimes I can just listen, but I am always welcome, and people understand. Every once in a while out here I meet another DBM, someone a little further from the process, or someone who understands. They say something, like one of the lines from that list and I breathe. My heart skips a beat and I know that I am not alone.

And maybe, just maybe, I'll be okay.


Aunt Becky said...


Tash said...

Much as I hate to say this, glad I'm walking the journey with you. Keep reading. And thinking of you.

G said...

It isn't just you. And remember sometimes some of us post about other things and things may seem "further" along for us than you, but that may not be how it really feels.

c. said...

I have that hope, too. For me. For you.

Thinking of you.

luna said...

you are not alone.

niobe said...

The responding can be hard. But it's really nice to know you're listening.

nikole said...

Thinking of you and holding you close in my heart.

jaded said...

oh my are you EVER not alone.
I am so deep in a hole right now, and i wonder if i'll ever get out of it.