Tuesday, March 1, 2011

breaking up is hard to do

Broke up with my therapist today. Boy, was that ugly. Really Ugly.

The only satisfaction I have right now is knowing that I was right:  she had not done one moment of research on infertility and its potential impact before I sent her those links last week. So much for respecting your client's experience.  And informing yourself about it, too.

She thought she knew all she needed to know about it.

There's far more to tell, far more, but I'm exhausted.

She just called my cell, too, but that -- along with the story -- will  wait for tomorrow, I think.


Michele said...

I'm so sorry. I cant imagine that was a fun night...

Sue said...

Thanks, Michele.

Tash said...

Oh Geez. Would you consider going to a therapist who specializes in IF? S/he probably wouldn't specialize in "grief" per se, but maybe you need this now more than the other? Or you could compartmentalize and do both? (Is there an IF therapist in your neck of the woods?)

Ugh. But good for you for getting out of dodge and knowing when something wasn't helping. Sometimes it's easier to stay and put up than to have the ugly confrontation -- you're v. brave to have done this for yourself.

Sue said...

Tash, I have been looking into finding an IF shrink for a few weeks, but the last week or so have been hellish. If no one local, then maybe by skype.

Sara said...

Sucks so much you went through this at all with her. I really hope you'll find someone better. And thank you, though, for standing up for yourself and your experience. It's really disturbing that she wouldn't have worked harder to help. Really.

Love's mom FOREVER said...

I am new-ish to your blog, but know enough to know that this was a good move. It must have been hard, but hopefully it is "onwards and upwards".

I hope that you can find someone who is more knowledgeable and who you can feel a connection with.

I think that can make a real difference.

Hang in there!!


Unknown said...

Whoowee! Yikes. Wow. I can't imagine the resolve it took to do that. Good for you! Breaking up is hard to do, for sure. I stand behind your decision 100%, knowing it couldn't have been easy to leave even as work with her was so hard and unhelpful, not to mention draining. I hope she learns something from this experience.
xoxox S.

It is what it is said...

I'm not sure that "bravo" is the right sentiment given the difficulty of the task and its ramifications (i.e. finding a new therapist) but as a long time reader, I am happy for you that you mustered the courage and resolve to do it.

I hope that you find a new and improved therapist quickly.

niobe said...

Sigh. Reading your last few posts reminds me so much of my own feelings. I remember feeling so depressed that I was nonfunctional. This was back in 2000, '01, '02, so long before I lost the twins.

And it lasted for years. Nothing helped. Not antidepressants of various kinds. Not therapy.

And my therapists invariably became angry and frustrated with me because it was clear that nothing they were doing was helping.

The only thing that made me (at least temporarily) feel better was breaking up with a therapist.

So, anyway, I'm saying that I've been there, though the triggers were totally different. And I didn't think it would ever go away. But it did. It just took a long, long time.

erica said...

I'm a slow commenter, but I was reading and re-reading your Hope vs. Resignation post and found myself so angry that people were making you feel deprived of choices. It sounds like the breakup was painful and uncomfortable. But it also sounds like, at this point, it was necessary.

I hope you find someone who is at least willing to do some IF research.

loribeth said...

I'm sure that wasn't fun, but I'm also sure you can find a better therapist. Not every therapist i've seen has been an expert on IF, but a little empathy (not to mention willingness to learn) goes a long way. I'm sorry this therapist was not a good fit.

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