Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Biting My Tongue

A colleague who, two weeks after my loss, told me that "everything happens for a reason," is presenting on his experience doing rescue work in Haiti after the earthquake. He is Haitian and first-generation American.

Ohhhh, man, am I a horrible person.

He talks about how all these desperate parents try to give him their children. "I did not enjoy the making of these children, why would I take on the responsibility..." Okay, this is out of context, but wow. Also, the organization he went with was trying to smuggle children out of Haiti and into the US. Apparently, the guide made tons of promises to families that she couldn't keep, promises to get their children to the promised land.

I am an angry, terrible person.

So much pain. Death. Destruction.

Where is the good? Please, tell me.

ETA: In discussing his efforts to get out of the country, and his eventual success,"I knew God was not going to leave me..."

Must be nice to be so blessed. (I really am a terrible person.)

ETA A: "Please learn to be humble. Obesity, eating disorders, other problems are really problems of privilege. You could lose everything. You could lose your home, your loved ones, you could lose your life."

Really? Hmm. Never thought about that. I could lose ones I love. I could lose my life. Wonder what that prospect is like. Hmm.

I don't dispute that some problems come with privilege. Is some pain more valid than other pain? I don't know. 200,000 people dead 1.5 million homeless. Millions injured, thousands more will die from their injuries or infection.

I don't know.


k@lakly said...

People who say things like that make me want to hit them, hard, with a very big stick.

He sounds like an ass.

Try not to bite your tongue off when dealing with him and his idiocy.


Beruriah said...

Wait, why did God leave the underprivileged Haitians?

Did God do this to the Haitians so that we could learn to be humble? What a waste. That God is a very bad planner, and if I may say so, kind of a jerk.

I suppose I should really stop feeling sad that my son died, because if I didn't have my problems of privilege, I could be dead too!

Beruriah said...

That said, in many contexts I am sure your colleague is in general, run of the mill situations, a good guy.

Anonymous said...

You are not the terrible person; it sounds like he is, despite his "charitable" efforts (if he's with the group I think he is, seems more like they wanted to convert/indoctrinate people than help them).

charmedgirl said...

people become bumbling idiots and never seem to realize their contradictions in cases like cases of tragedy. how about, it just is what it is and we all have to deal with whatever we're left with?

whenever i hear about haiti i also remember that when the dominican people tried to bring them aid, haitians shot them in the face.

it's all horrible.

Aunt Becky said...

Just. Wow.

Reba said...

stop calling yourself a horrible person because of this probably-well-intentioned-but-misguided pompous ass.

yes, our problems are different because we have more privileges. it's almost a privilege to be able to grieve like we do. in other times or other places, the hard work of daily life might push out all our sadness. who is privileged, then?

Siri said...

What an asshole. (Him, not you.) I can't get my empathy up for jerks like that.

Scratch the hostile fay said...

I like the "they all deserved it because they practice vodoo" comment I heard from a senator.

Look ma, ignorance!

Seriously though, there are no coincidences. That's not to say *these* folks deserved it...but things in my life tend to fall in circles...they do happen for a reason.... Sometimes it takes falling off the bicycle for you to get up stronger and better.

Not that a earthquake is a good comparison to riding a bike, but hopefully you'll see what I'm hiking at.

Just wait, I bet these folks will come out better than ever. :)

Especially when they have folks like you helping them out. That helps a bunch.


Scratch the hostile fay said...


I know you're still hurting right now... but trust me...there's lots of kids out there already who need a home, and not all of them in foreign countries.

Adoption is a good thing. :)


Scratch (apologies for the multiple postings)

MichalClark said...

"I'm tired of biting my tongue, I've had this problem since I was a kid, I bite my tongue as a mean of stress relief, I keep on biting till I my tongue

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loribeth said...

People are idiots. Well-meaning idiots, perhaps, but still idiots. Take his words with a hefty grain of salt. (((hugs))) (sorry this comes late, I've been busy at work & my Google Reader is horrifically backed up again...!)

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