Wednesday, April 6, 2011

It's okay

Well, no it's not, but I'm okay.  Thank you for all your supportive comments.  I kind of want to leave the comments up so when people go.og.le those sites, they can see what they're getting into.  Though, I don't want to upset anyone randomly coming upon them.  We'll see.

Really, they made me more angry than anything else.  I had had a really crappy day.  I called it "death by one thousand cuts," because it was just a series of minor but pain in the ass crappy things happening all day long. I got 3.5 hours of sleep the night before,  then I got home from 12 hours at school to these comments and I was someplace between laughter, horror and anger.  Pissed off.  If I had been in a better state of mind when I found them, probably I would have been more upset. At first, I wasn't even sure what I was looking at. 

Something that surprised me was not so much that these assholes decided to troll  sites looking to share their hatred of babies and children. They were just being mean. 

Who does that?  I mean, the posts they commented on (at least one of them) was not right in the open and purposely hit nerves. 

Who does that?  Who has that kind of time on his/her hands?  Who has so much hatred for people in general? 

At first I wanted to set up a profile and leave a post on the forum spewing vitriol and four-letter words.  C talked me down.  Really, not worth the effort or, well, anything.

*****

Five minutes after I found these comments?  My dad called.  I hadn't talked to him in almost 10 days, and felt bad enough about that, but I just couldn't talk to him.  I know he's been going through hell with my brother and his wife.  I wanted to talk to him, but I really couldn't.  And after all the little, pissy crap I had to deal with for 12 hours, plus this, I started to cry.  He said that was fine, he'd talk to me on Thursday. And that he loved me.  I held it together and just got teary.  A couple of pills and off to sleep.

*****
Just as an aside, I feel like I'm doing some good work with my new therapist.  It makes me regret all the time that seems to have been lost, but I"m trying to tell myself that I hadn't been ready yet.   There's someone who says that when the student is ready, the teacher appears.  Maybe that's it.

*****
Anyway. It meant a lot to get your support.  It really did.

2 comments:

Ya Chun said...

oh yes, don't waste any time on them. It's not that they are child-free- they sound more like they are anti-children. Which really makes no sense.

Glad the new therapist is working out.

Beruriah said...

Love you Sue. I'm so happy to hear the therapist seems to be working out, I'm almost teary. You're awesome, and deserve so much more happiness in life. I really hope it's coming soon.