I'm starting to open to the idea of not finishing this degree, but I have to get through this part of it, and I'm really struggling to do that. Every time I open a document to get through a couple of papers, to review my exams so I can prepare for the defense. I get that frozen clutch around my throat. Am I trying to sabotage myself? Probably.
I honestly don't know what else I would do. I don't even know what I *would* do with this.
Also, I've been feeling a lot of pregnancy/loss sadness. Maybe it's more pregnancy. just sort of sitting around and realizing I'm feeling something familiar. Yet painful.
Maybe I'm just anticipating.
I don't even know what I was going to write. I expected that there was going to be major crying this weekend. Instead, I woke up to a migraine yesterday. I have PMS, too.
Most of the people who took comps with me have (of course) successfully defended. I don't go for another week. Right after the holiday.
I have a lump in my throat.
Maybe I'm just overwhelmed with everything.