Monday, November 22, 2010


I'm starting to open to the idea of not finishing this degree, but I have to get through this part of it, and I'm really struggling to do that. Every time I open a document to get through a couple of papers, to review my exams so I can prepare for the defense. I get that frozen clutch around my throat. Am I trying to sabotage myself? Probably.

I honestly don't know what else I would do. I don't even know what I *would* do with this.

Also, I've been feeling a lot of pregnancy/loss sadness. Maybe it's more pregnancy. just sort of sitting around and realizing I'm feeling something familiar. Yet painful.

Sad, maybe.

Maybe I'm just anticipating.


I don't even know what I was going to write. I expected that there was going to be major crying this weekend. Instead, I woke up to a migraine yesterday. I have PMS, too.

Most of the people who took comps with me have (of course) successfully defended. I don't go for another week. Right after the holiday.

I have a lump in my throat.

Maybe I'm just overwhelmed with everything.


Ya Chun said...

grad school is so stressful, i just couldn't imagine doing it with EVERYTHING (which is really, really alot) that you have been through.

hang in there

Jonathan said...

Keep the pen moving and remember to breathe.

Try to remember that whether you complete or not, you will still be alive and there are people who care about you.