Monday, September 27, 2010

Yeah. Still here.

Feeling better overall. Looks like comps are on their way. My students seem to be a nice enough group. C has officially begun the job search. Possibilities are on the horizon. Generally hopeful and positive

But I'm still struggling. Trying to be social. Everything still feels like an effort. My SIL is about 5 weeks away from having a child. I am dreading it. Isn't that terrible?

I'm trying to be positive. Hoping it doesn't happen until after comps, though, just in case. Next appointment with the pharma isn't for another 10 days or so. I was thinking I would just try to keep things the same, but I'm so emotional. And my body reacted to the 2ww like I was pg. *That* was fun. Which way do I face in the shower? Which shirt do I wear?

Picking fights and feeling angry, too.

And feeling really sad. It just sort of washes over me.

Here and there.

Better, overall.

Tired, though. Of all of this.

Aren't you glad you stopped by?

5 comments:

Illanare said...

I know nothing I say can make it any better. But - I am so sorry for your losses. And for hard it all still is.

It is what it is said...

I am always glad I stopped by and am always glad to see a post from you that lets us know how you are.

If the linear progression is positive then I would say that is something to acknowledge as progress. It is better than the alternative.

Beruriah said...

Comps! Comps are awesome, in multiple sense. They're one of the things I look back on, and think, damn that was hard, but so good. I have never and will never be smarter than I was in that period of time. I, of course, did them at an entirely different life stage, before hell, but I wish you as much of that pleasure and joy as possible.

And the market! That, well, even in retrospect, it was still a sucky experience. But I'm so excited for the progress, and I wish C much luck.

Of course you're struggling, and these next weeks will be hard. I wish you could disentangle these milestones, and enjoy the triumphs ahead for you and C.

Many hugs to you. We miss you.

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erica said...

Wishing you luck with Comps and everything else.

I wish I could send you hot chocolate and a masseur to help with the tired. And I wish I knew of something that might help relieve the sadness.