tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-398826425080805683.post6789230619604110365..comments2024-02-19T05:16:19.517-05:00Comments on So Dear and Yet So Far: Me/NotMe, or garbled mess at 3am after Ambi.en*Suehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03812637630030228124noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-398826425080805683.post-72839434091829872552008-06-10T00:17:00.000-04:002008-06-10T00:17:00.000-04:00You know, I am still not much for hope. Not really...You know, I am still not much for hope. Not really. One day at a time. I look far enough to make practical preparations (read: childcare) for if we need it, but I can't picture it at all. I can't even talk to our nanny myself. I had a friend she works for now do it for me. And it's not just in this area. I can't look ahead on anything in life. My sister's wedding is in two weeks. My parents will be here in 8 days. I know these things, and yet I don't connect to them in any real way. I am not in the thick of the painful grief anymore, the way you still are, but I wanted to let you know that while I still laugh and can be in the moment, the hope thing is still very elusive, and, I find, not exactly essential. It seems that for me just plowing through, living through what comes is ok. I know what I want to get to, and it seems I can get away with working for it without hoping for it. Does it make sense? It's enough, at least for now. I am not unhappy. Guarded, on edge. But I can also enjoy things, and laugh, and cry, and function.Juliahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09745262857388007041noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-398826425080805683.post-59258254586061647852008-05-30T00:45:00.000-04:002008-05-30T00:45:00.000-04:00Don't feel too bad, I posted a post in the months ...Don't feel too bad, I posted a post in the months after I lost Caleb when I was up at 2 a.m. and ever so creatively titled it 2a.m., part of a bottle of McCallan helped the words flow...it is what it is right??? I left it up b/c after everything that has happened I just didn't care about censoring me anymore. Does that make sense???<BR/>You sound perfectly lucid to me, fwiw:)k@laklyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05366772609212990882noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-398826425080805683.post-1404507940218094392008-05-29T21:34:00.000-04:002008-05-29T21:34:00.000-04:00Keep it if you can. It's the truth.Keep it if you can. It's the truth.Antigonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09206205690072218302noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-398826425080805683.post-48769813737481851942008-05-29T20:06:00.000-04:002008-05-29T20:06:00.000-04:00*sighs*I can only imagine.*sighs*<BR/><BR/>I can only imagine.Aunt Beckyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12146687582842259611noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-398826425080805683.post-57121396193015537552008-05-29T18:20:00.000-04:002008-05-29T18:20:00.000-04:00Hope the coming down was not too difficult.Love, l...Hope the coming down was not too difficult.<BR/><BR/>Love, love, LOVE Love Actually...c.https://www.blogger.com/profile/02933776400434137451noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-398826425080805683.post-62609244172563465272008-05-29T12:15:00.000-04:002008-05-29T12:15:00.000-04:00I think the harder we try to figure out how to get...I think the harder we try to figure out how to get to a place that resembles the old, mixed with the new, the further away it seems. Then, some days you just realize, in spite of all the seeking, you are there. Of course, the next day the rollercoaster could dip again...<BR/><BR/>Wow, I am just a ray of sunshine eh? Thinking of you hun.<BR/><BR/>GG$https://www.blogger.com/profile/05010373805685335151noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-398826425080805683.post-47705056068921641482008-05-29T10:47:00.000-04:002008-05-29T10:47:00.000-04:00I call these days world weariness days. When I fee...I call these days world weariness days. When I feel so old, so used up and so lost I don't know what to do with myself. Every part of them sucks. But I think they are a part of healing. I'm not sure we can truly come to terms with our grief unless we appreciate how bad it is. <BR/><BR/>I know. totally comforting, huh?Mrs. Spithttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03386820063407910064noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-398826425080805683.post-77703600755647101632008-05-29T10:08:00.000-04:002008-05-29T10:08:00.000-04:00I don't think you should take it down - it's impor...I don't think you should take it down - it's important to see what you're feeling when it's not complicated by lucidity. ;)<BR/><BR/>Everything you said makes perfect sense to me. Obviously you're "not you" anymore, because the old you could never have contemplated what you've been through. But I think you'll grow used to the "not you", maybe even like her. And I think it's a good sign that your heart is full, even if it's full of frustration. Isn't that better than it being empty?Bustedhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09926427330808873296noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-398826425080805683.post-22728130332081282532008-05-29T06:49:00.000-04:002008-05-29T06:49:00.000-04:00It just sucks so bad. Not only did we lose our chi...It just sucks so bad. Not only did we lose our children, but we lost our innocence, our zest for life, our former selves. There are too many things to mourn here. Hope today is better.CLChttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08030787972960755420noreply@blogger.com