tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-398826425080805683.post635636086792638556..comments2024-02-19T05:16:19.517-05:00Comments on So Dear and Yet So Far: How do you find you?Suehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03812637630030228124noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-398826425080805683.post-83996435668940685032008-11-08T15:37:00.000-05:002008-11-08T15:37:00.000-05:00oh sue, the heart ache is palpable here. I'm just...oh sue, the heart ache is palpable here. I'm just catching up with you now, better late than never. <BR/><BR/>I also think the shrink is wise, as is C to suggest waiting until you find the right balance for meds. I also really like jodie's suggestion of volunteering at a local shelter. not only will it get you out of the house but it will give you something to care about, responsibility that isn't tied to school or career, and possibly even some love and affection not weighted down by human dynamics. <BR/><BR/>dogs are wonderful faithful creatures who give so much and ask for so little in return. but before you may be ready to adopt one, you could always visit and care for some first. see how it goes.lunahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15455301696832647867noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-398826425080805683.post-56652302372958711352008-11-07T17:16:00.000-05:002008-11-07T17:16:00.000-05:00I ma glad you are getting a break for the rest of ...I ma glad you are getting a break for the rest of this semester and maybe next too. eaching one course will keep you plenty busy.<BR/><BR/>What about volunteering somewhere? Nursing home, shelter, or AT the animal shelter. <BR/><BR/>I quit my job, and each week after that I have been able to pick up the pace little-by-little. But you need time and a flexible schedule so that you can deal with the bad days. I have had many of those, where I couldnt concnetrate and nothing got done but me making it thru the day.<BR/>((hugs))Ya Chunhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08816837461370619194noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-398826425080805683.post-3644187927783174322008-11-07T16:30:00.000-05:002008-11-07T16:30:00.000-05:00S,I am so sorry that you are in so much pain. You...S,<BR/><BR/>I am so sorry that you are in so much pain. Your post about breaks my heart. <BR/><BR/>I am in such a similar place right now. We lost our baby girl after years of trying. You wrote so many things in my heart today. <BR/><BR/>At times the depression has been too much to take. I have felt paralyzed and in a fog for almost a year. By telling you this, I just want to validate your feelings and thoughts. You are not alone, and you are not crazy for feeling or thinking the way you do. <BR/><BR/>When my house became too quiet to take, we rescued a dog. I had no idea how much it would help. She has been my saving grace, something to take care of, something to talk to my husband about, a reason to get out of bed, someone who loves me and sees me as whole. She's been a distraction from all the grey. Your shrink is wise. <BR/><BR/>Thinking of you. <BR/><BR/>-ShanaShana Runyanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00527595355806484160noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-398826425080805683.post-8117938652082713422008-11-07T15:46:00.000-05:002008-11-07T15:46:00.000-05:00Oooh, I LOVE Jodie's suggestion of volunteering! ...Oooh, I LOVE Jodie's suggestion of volunteering! And really, I think a dog might be nice. As you know, we had a dog when Maddy died, but rather impulsively adopted another about 2 months later. And he really saved me in more ways than I know. He focussed me. He needed me. I was good at it. Of course now he surfs my counter and eats my gourmet cheese and in many ways makes me want to kill him, until I find him with his head on my pillow, and then all is forgiven.<BR/><BR/>I haven't found myself. Hell, I'm not sure I had myself before Maddy which is making things that much more difficult. but again, I like to compartmentalize things. Keep family and profession kinda separate in my head, as much as possible, and work on each, and honor the positives in each, and keep the bad news in each contained within those walls as much as possible.<BR/><BR/>Thinking of you, S.Tashhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07376651134993450207noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-398826425080805683.post-83942923313425928812008-11-07T11:49:00.000-05:002008-11-07T11:49:00.000-05:00Maybe volunteer at the shelter! Consider it as te...Maybe volunteer at the shelter! Consider it as test-driving lots of potential pets, until you're sure what you want to do.<BR/><BR/>I love my puppies dearly, but they can still be a pain. Not sure you want to mess with that right now....<BR/><BR/>Do what you can, and don't be impatient with yourself. Keep hanging in there - you'll find your way.<BR/><BR/>Thinking of you, wishing you peace....Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-398826425080805683.post-78941991425216718072008-11-07T09:54:00.000-05:002008-11-07T09:54:00.000-05:00A dog sounds like a good idea. I like your doctor'...A dog sounds like a good idea. I like your doctor's suggestion. At the same time, I think C. may be right, maybe wait a couple of more weeks to see how the meds work out ? Maybe you can keep making your visits to the shelters in the meantime. <BR/>Thinking of you Sue.CLChttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08030787972960755420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-398826425080805683.post-78244995065980653672008-11-07T09:37:00.000-05:002008-11-07T09:37:00.000-05:00dear heart, i happened upon your place by blindl...dear heart, i happened upon your place by blindly typing some hopeful words into google and clicking randomly. looking for inspiration.<BR/><BR/>as silly as this may seem? i the depth and awareness and feeling and, yes, caring, that your words are soaked in touched me and inspired me deeply.<BR/><BR/>these past seasons life had crushed and shattered me so totally that i could not do much but crawl through the garden and fields crying. sometimes i could not crawl.<BR/><BR/>and --- like you --- there was this quality in me that --- while standing (or laying as it may be) in the deep pain --- i kept the fingers of my heart reaching out for the fingertips of angels. (are angels just the wind? is the ladybug who just landed on my nose an angel? i hope you forgive me if i use a language such as this --- but there are no other words available to us than can describe such things)<BR/><BR/>some wise ones say that this act --- the act of standing fully in ones pain while at the same time feeling into the winds of eternity with the hopeful heart --- that this act is the alchemical fire of the cauldron where the phoenix is burned to ashes --- and then, yes, arises. <BR/><BR/>and this did happen to me --- after a long time. i now am standing in just as much destruction and pain and loss --- but some metamorphic transformation (initiation?)has transpired such that the fingers of my soul (my most inner child) can feel the heartbeat pulse of a living eternity in every floating cast away speck of dust --- hear the --- i hesitate to say this --- hear the love song of the yearning stream of forever in every complaining person passing. <BR/><BR/>yes, it is true, all of this ragged torn wondrous beautiful creation --- every moment and every substance and every chipmunk by my window --- is imbued with the holy spirit --- sorry, there is no other word i can se to describe this --- i do not use the term holy spirit in any christian sense --- i just use it as a stranger in a strange land who has come to feel the earth beneath her feet.<BR/><BR/>so, dear heart, all of this is to say simply that --- that --- thank you for your depth being --- for your being of a true love (i know, i know, you might not feel this of yourself, but your words exude this) --- and that i know that soon you will find yourself in a wondrous new universe --- a universe that has been born of the alchemy of your own soul.<BR/><BR/>i am reminded of the opening of a rumi poem. it went something like this ---<BR/>hearken to the sound of the reed <BR/> (the reed --- now a flute)<BR/>and the reed says<BR/>ever since i was cut from my stem down by the sea<BR/>my cry has been<BR/>and has set to tears all the men and all the women<BR/>i want a heart that is torn by separation<BR/>that i may truly declare the agony of yearning<BR/>of every one far from a lover and true friend<BR/>and, yes, i have sung this song with all kinds<BR/>with miserable and happy<BR/>and, yes, i seek the one who knows the sign<BR/>one who can mingle all of their soul with mine<BR/>hearken<BR/>the sound of the reed <BR/>is fire<BR/>not wind<BR/><BR/>ever,<BR/><BR/>from a sister of the wind<BR/>walking beauty way<BR/>in the winds of grace,<BR/><BR/>debbieAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-398826425080805683.post-24798124381298186252008-11-07T09:01:00.000-05:002008-11-07T09:01:00.000-05:00I'm really glad to see that you are getting suppor...I'm really glad to see that you are getting support from your school.<BR/><BR/>I think small steps are good steps. I like that your doctor said to "do something every day". I've tried to do that myself. Some days it helps, some days not, but at least it's something.<BR/><BR/>Thinking of you and really, really wishing for peaceful days ahead.Heatherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09211028670642739808noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-398826425080805683.post-33661270282208896062008-11-07T00:59:00.000-05:002008-11-07T00:59:00.000-05:00Tiny steps, like the ones you are taking, one at a...Tiny steps, like the ones you are taking, one at a time. I like the idea of a dog, an older dog who already knows how to be a friend and doesn't need the training or the constant care. One who will sit with you when you need a little company and one who will walk beside you when facing the outdoors seems to lonely to do by yourself. <BR/>xxook@laklyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05366772609212990882noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-398826425080805683.post-47322525752541050732008-11-06T22:49:00.000-05:002008-11-06T22:49:00.000-05:00Dogs are great for mild depression and awful for s...Dogs are great for mild depression and awful for severe depression. <BR/><BR/>If you're doing laundry and paying bills you're doing a lot more than I did when I was in the throes of depression. I think there was even a week I didn't brush my teeth.Antigonehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09206205690072218302noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-398826425080805683.post-38680184844588158472008-11-06T22:43:00.000-05:002008-11-06T22:43:00.000-05:00I don't have any answers, Sue. I'm kinda still sea...I don't have any answers, Sue. I'm kinda still searching for that answer myself, without the depression you've had to deal with. <BR/><BR/>I think the idea of another club sounds like a good one, as I'm sure most would agree that being in this deadbaby club has its limitations. And who gives a shit about healthy: a baby that's not a baby is still a baby, right? <BR/><BR/>I hope you can find your way back to you, Sue. Or at least find a path that brings you some semblance of contentedness. I really, really do. XO.c.https://www.blogger.com/profile/02933776400434137451noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-398826425080805683.post-54316304092585612312008-11-06T22:09:00.000-05:002008-11-06T22:09:00.000-05:00Sue, I just wanted to say that I am out here pulli...Sue, I just wanted to say that I am out here pulling for you. I'm sorry it's taking such a long time to get out of this dark place. You WILL get out of it.<BR/><BR/>My dogs have been surrogate babies to me over the past year and a half and I think it's been very good for my mental health.Sarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00668661473260475342noreply@blogger.com