tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-398826425080805683.post2240790169294354493..comments2024-02-19T05:16:19.517-05:00Comments on So Dear and Yet So Far: Fade inSuehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03812637630030228124noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-398826425080805683.post-25019615551414231272008-07-09T11:50:00.000-04:002008-07-09T11:50:00.000-04:00STE, The 6 month mark is an odd milestone. at leas...STE, <BR/><BR/>The 6 month mark is an odd milestone. at least for me. it represents half a year later. Is that good or bad? 6 months more far removed from the unimaginable pain of that day? 6 months closer to a resolution? 6 months closer to your next child? i really don't know the answers to these questions. in most accounts I was better after the first 6 months after I lost Emi. I figured I was 6 months closer to my next child. oh wait, that didn't work out either? hmmm. never mind.<BR/><BR/>i'm sorry that you have to even contemplate such a milestone. They should be with you dammit. All of them should be with their mommies. I am sorry you feel blue. In all honestly time forces us to move forward, and it serves a reminder of how far along we have gotten. And even if we take 1 step forward and 2 steps back, as least we going forward, no matter the speed. Thinking of you.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-398826425080805683.post-66545316716409823902008-07-08T11:12:00.000-04:002008-07-08T11:12:00.000-04:00I've quit taking pictures altogether since last Fe...I've quit taking pictures altogether since last February. For starts, I look wretched: old, pasty, huge circles under the eyes, unkempt. Ridden hard, put away wet. Second, I don't want to remember this time in my life, ever. I'm not sure when "this time" will move into a place when I'm comfortable remembering, but I'm certainly not there yet. Thirdly, it hurts so much to look at old photos, especially of Bella. All I can think of is what Maddy would look like at that age. I look back at the old me and think about how happy and thin I looked. I can't bear to view my old photos, so why bother taking new ones? Finally, I want to live in front of the lens. Given the option of playing with Bella, and seeing her with my eyes, and hearing her voice, and just being in that moment with her -- I'll take that over getting behind the camera any day. All the ways of symbolically "remembering" living children -- photos, jewelry, etc. -- seem so trite to me now. People don't realize that they have no reason to remember the living, it's the dead that they'll want hang onto with symbols and stuff.Tashhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07376651134993450207noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-398826425080805683.post-64250562884876442702008-07-07T16:44:00.000-04:002008-07-07T16:44:00.000-04:00I took my DMV pic 2 months to the date after I los...I took my DMV pic 2 months to the date after I lost Ronan. I look hopped up on drugs and I swear I am purplish looking...<BR/><BR/>Amazing how grief photographs. <BR/><BR/>Hugs---ReeseReesehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05413272465193894312noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-398826425080805683.post-69399980755783330282008-07-07T16:04:00.000-04:002008-07-07T16:04:00.000-04:00I had to have my drivers license redone at 3 month...I had to have my drivers license redone at 3 months (and due dateish) out. I can't even look at it, I dont recognize myself. I keep the old license (they punch a hole and give it back) on top of it in my wallet and only pull it out when asked by someone official.<BR/><BR/>I am sorry 6 months was so hard, but I am profoundly glad to hear you made it through to the other side. We are always here with you. <BR/>xo<BR/>gG$https://www.blogger.com/profile/05010373805685335151noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-398826425080805683.post-36345899881722537192008-07-06T17:18:00.000-04:002008-07-06T17:18:00.000-04:00I just want to say I greatly admire your honesty.A...I just want to say I greatly admire your honesty.<BR/><BR/>As hurt and bad as you feel, you show it all.<BR/><BR/>You have my respect and my best wishes.Martinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11044403947730363259noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-398826425080805683.post-55225179035538321812008-07-06T11:08:00.000-04:002008-07-06T11:08:00.000-04:00Ugh, I have never had a decent driver's license in...Ugh, I have never had a decent driver's license in my life, unless I am really as ugly as the pictures they take and I am just in denial! <BR/><BR/>Anyway, glad you realize you are not alone and you are not weird for feeling the way you do. I think it just comes in waves. And every now and then there will be a calm, but I am certain there will always be waves. It just sucks that this is our new life. I am kind of resigned to always feeling the melancholy, but I really wish I could go back to the old me. The melancholy just sucks ass.CLChttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08030787972960755420noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-398826425080805683.post-80550788885857846682008-07-05T23:31:00.000-04:002008-07-05T23:31:00.000-04:00Damned DMV. That's crappy that she didn't let you...Damned DMV. That's crappy that she didn't let you see the pic.<BR/><BR/>I know what you mean about feeling faded, invisible...hang in there hun. ((HUGS))Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-398826425080805683.post-5729247582510789122008-07-05T13:13:00.000-04:002008-07-05T13:13:00.000-04:00I hate getting those pics taken. for my job I hav...I hate getting those pics taken. for my job I have to get a photo taken for security ID every time I go to a meeting at a certain office, and it seems that each one is worse than the last. I hate wearing them, I tend to hide them before ripping them up when I leave. nice self image, huh? so I kwym.<BR/><BR/>I agree 6 months is really hard. I'm glad you're on the other side of at least this marker.lunahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15455301696832647867noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-398826425080805683.post-63099576501142432252008-07-04T22:44:00.000-04:002008-07-04T22:44:00.000-04:00That sucks about your photo, but I guess it doesn'...That sucks about your photo, but I guess it doesn't really matter, right? You'd think that cosmic balance would give us some small break, but no.<BR/><BR/>It's up and down here too, with the one constant: we miss our children.Ya Chunhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08816837461370619194noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-398826425080805683.post-76620805254653553652008-07-04T21:54:00.000-04:002008-07-04T21:54:00.000-04:00Sending you light and strength and hopes for peace...Sending you light and strength and hopes for peace.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-398826425080805683.post-42326499266474078862008-07-04T20:09:00.000-04:002008-07-04T20:09:00.000-04:00I love the "so poetic I could puke" line. Six mont...I love the "so poetic I could puke" line. <BR/>Six months was tough for me too. I think it tends to be for most. I am sorry. And I hope you find your footing again, more days than not.Juliahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09745262857388007041noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-398826425080805683.post-80473755507212054092008-07-04T16:44:00.000-04:002008-07-04T16:44:00.000-04:00okay, so i have recent experience with this photo ...okay, so i have recent experience with this photo thing. and holy hell it was upsetting, for exactly the same reasons you're describing -- i feel like i've changed so much, and not in a good way, and to have a photo that appears to document that (and in my case close family members who actually didn't recognize me and said semi-mean things about the person in the photo) -- well then. sucks. okay, so my thought is: can you "lose" your new license or whatever it would take just to get a new photo?<BR/><BR/>because the way that you feel now, the invisibility, the ugliness -- it's not who you are, not now or ever.<BR/><BR/>thinking of you and wishing you some peace today.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com