Monday, January 14, 2008

Thank you

Being new to Blog.ger, I just found all your comments. Your support means more than I can say. I've been feeling so alone, so isolated. On a different planet.

Thank you for gently bringing me back to Earth. A little less alone.

For future use

W.H. Auden's Funeral Blues has been running through my head. My husband suggested it for when we have a memorial. The last 2 stanzas especially resonate.

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He Is Dead,
Put crêpe bows round the white necks of the public
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

I know things will get better. They have to, right?

Thursday, January 10, 2008

The beginning of the end

All I wanted for Christmas this year was to enjoy what seemed to be the cessation of my interminable morning sickness. A warm, quiet house on our last child-free Christmas, with day dreams of the happy chaos to come. That morning I woke up to a gush, knowing something was horribly wrong. It was the beginning of the end. My boys would not last; my husband and I -- our hearts broken -- would never be the same.